Snow Days and False Bottoms

Monday 15 April

Well today has been about as sh*tty as the weather, but you know. It's the day the Titanic finished sinking, Abraham Lincoln finished dying, and Tax Day, so I probably should have expected something like this.

Anyway. Classes today were actually okay—I arrived at physics kind of on time and I REALLY understand fluids*, walked up the hill to Western and listened to Mewes rant about man being a political animal**, and then reviewed in chemistry, where I discovered I suck hardcore at isomerism but I'm freaking awesome at kinetics. I think I might try and pursue a career in that, because it's really fascinating and ties together all sorts of math and chemistry and all that jazz, and it's magical.

Anyway. Then I went to lunch with Steph and Sam as per usual, and then I walked to Norlin to give Crissie via Dan my calculator for her genetics exam, and then I went to lab.

ONLY NOT REALLY BECAUSE CLASS WAS CANCELLED.

I have mixed feelings, honestly. I mean, I'm as lazy as the next college student, but still. I was really in a lab mood today and wanted to make pretty colors and sh*t, and I really wanted to hole up in the library and keep up the work I was doing, but no. I was stuck in the Nerd Cage of Kitt and mostly just procrastinated. Whatever. I'm mostly just really pissed that this giant snowstorm is happening AFTER VAIL HAS ALREADY FREAKING CLOSED. I AM SO MAD.

THEN I got the news that my poor brother in his injured state TOTALED MY POOR CAR ROCINANTE AND I WAS DISTRAUGHT BECAUSE NO ONE WOULD TELL ME WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON OR IF THEY WERE OKAY OR ANYTHING. The good news is my brother is okay, although I really need to start looking for a new sedan. If anyone has anything, then PLEASE let me know. Like basically if it runs, is an automatic, and has a radio and a cigarette lighter for me to plug in my iPod, it's drivable and I'm down with that.

Anyway. Then I went to dinner with Crissie and Poppy and Morgan and we talked about yogurt and life and stuff.

After that, I ended up doing CAPA with Binder and then we looked up Epic Mix stats, and then we ended up watching Perks again and I'm still in Hallett because I basically never go home. After I finish this, I actually might for once.

So I used to read a lot of Nancy Drew as a child, and whenever she would like find a secret box, she'd find this false bottom to the chest and then another clue could be found and she'd save the day or whatever. She was a badass and I aspired to be her when I grew up. I mostly just pretend I'm Sherlock Holmes when I walk back late from the library.

Anyway. The POINT is that I really should expect false bottoms at this point in my life.

But clearly I don't.

I basically just thought that the universe was going to stop crapping after what happened on Friday, but clearly it had a sh*t ton of Taco Bell/Brazilian food or something.

I literally just cannot believe what the hell is going on in the world. The events in Boston make me both incredibly sad and incredibly angry, and I'm not sure how to deal with them. I honestly do not know how to reconcile all of the incredible beauty I see in the world with all of the hate and sadness and pain. It's hard to believe in a silver lining with all of the hate that pervades our world these days—Sandy Hook, the Burn Book at my high school, the nuclear tensions, the bombs in Boston—it's suffocating and it's frustrating and it breaks my heart. I will never understand why people do these terrible things and why someone would ever have that much hate and animosity. We're on this tiny chunk of rock hurtling through space and time at breakneck speeds in an endless oblivion, and it's vast and it's terrifying and these acts make it so much more unbearable.

I just think in these crazy and painful times the most we can do is to accept that bad things happen, but your life can't be a memorial. Your life has to be a life. There is too much beauty in the world to stay mad. There are too many good, pure human moments to stay hurt. Love wins. People care. Apathy and hate does not and can not rule your life. Hold onto that, and maybe, just maybe, it's going to get better.

I told my mother that I just didn't care and I wanted to go dig clams on a beach in Maine, and she said, "That's cool, but you'd be back. You care too much about the world to just let it slip away." And I hope you remember that. I hope you remember to care, because I know you do.

Anyway. That's all I have to say about that.

Thanks so much for reading and for keeping me going :)

*that's what she said
**actually a VERY good miniseries on USA Network last summer—check it out fo sho.