One More Day of Busy Nothings

Monday 29 April

I passed out doing this Norlin project, so I'm sorry for that or something.

Yesterday wasn't too bad as far as Mondays go. I woke up and went to physics, and Connor actually made it to class (which was nothing short of miraculous). Then I left early to go grab my lab notebook from Kitt (I know, I'm such a rebel, skipping out of class ten minutes early to get MORE HOMEWORK). Anyway. I was absolutely disgusting in Western Political Thought because of the heat, and I'm really sorry for that. But anyway we learned more about Tocqueville and how he can be applied to the modern era and that was pretty nifty and I even wrote up a lab. Multidisciplinary FTW. Anyway. Then came chemistry and Vaida talked about the Ozone Hole over Antarctica, and the combination of kinetics, gas laws, and policy formation was RIGHT up my alley. I want to do something like that—something fusing the two things I am turning out to love more than anything. I just get so excited when I think about something like that and I can't articulate it and just yeah. That's how I am.

Anyway. I grabbed lunch with Sam and Steph and quite frankly, I am really going to miss our Monday lunches where we all recount our crazy ass weekends to each other and then talk about chemistry. Because they've been really great friends this last year, especially when my life fell to pieces in October and they let me sit at lunch with them and complain about Calc III and quasi-relationship drama and were just there to listen when I needed to talk about the shitshow my life was. So yeah. They rock.

Then Steph and I headed to the LAST LAB OF THE YEAR! We did a reaction with Allura Red and hypochlorite (read: red dye and bleach) and tested concentrations and temperature effects. So that was fun and I'm kind of going to miss it, as tedious as it is. Granted, I'll probably be doing that for the rest of my life, and I'm okay with that.

Yeah. So then I went back to Kitt and changed out of the fucking jeans I had to wear for lab, and then I went and grabbed Crissie. We went to Victoria's Secret to use our Secret Rewards we got back in March, and I got a super cute bandeau top that I'll wear eventually or something. Then we went to Target and I got gum, Rockstar (which are $1 there if you want to look into that haha), and chocolate. I spent $9.47 there and told the cashier this was my second cheapest Target purchase and he just laughed at me. This is my life.

But we got back to campus (after I analyzed Crissie's dreams—I'm a regular Sigmund Freud) and grabbed dinner at the Grab and Go (where we saw Evan and had pictures on our pizza boxes, which were fun) and THEN we went to bake cookies! Hallett's kitchen still has their fucking heater on, which makes no sense to me whatsoever. But whatever. We taught a girl how to make quinoa, and Crissie made bunches of Pink Lemonade cookies as well as Funfetti ones.

After that I did CAPA with Binder, and that was the fastest we've ever done that in our lives (sans three problems which we're doing tonight or something). Then I walked back to Kitt with Crissie, who was going to see Johnny because he got food poisoning (feel better, Johnny!) and kind of worked for awhile before my need for sleep overwhelmed my need to get shit done.

So yeah. It was another day of busy nothings, but I'm just left with this tangible sense that things are ending. And it's weird. I don't know if it's because LAST year was such a drastic ending, but it's meaning more to me this year. I know I'll come back in the fall and have the same friends I've made this year and have some of the same conversations and I get to live with the people I love the most and some things might not change, but it's still just going to be so different. I don't know if that's me just being existential, but these moments are never going to come again, and I'm so sad about that.

Because amongst all of the crap that's happened in April, and all of the crap that I've had to clean up in the last nine months of being a Buff, these human moments have kept me going. Not doing homework. Not going to class. Human moments.

And I think that's the key. Because I've been a nerd my whole life. And you'd think that would make my college career flourish, but it doesn't. You have to be a person, a whole person, with all of the darker emotions and angst and the joy and the hope and the fragility that comes with it. You have to let the world in.

And I know this isn't completely real life, but it's the closest I've been to having life happen to me. This is the first year I've been outside my head and really experiencing the full kaleidoscope of life. You know? Good.

Alright. I have to get my poop in a group to face the day right now, so I'll just see you later today.

As always, thanks for reading :)