Metaphysical Bus Riding

Saturday 13 April

So once again, I like to sleep more than I probably should, and so yeah. No blog.

I woke up yesterday in Brackett after the Rough Night and cleaned myself up, and then I chatted with Evan for awhile about that night and about our homes and about school and just generally about life and it was extremely nice to have someone get it. It's always good to know you aren't the only person who thinks such strange and wonderful things. It's nice to know how my brain works the same as someone else in this world. And basically I owe him a lot, because I have a lot of mental breakdowns in front of Evan and I really apologize for that.

Then I walked outside of Brackett into the blinding sunlight and I just stood there wondering why bad things happen to good people**.

Yeah. So then I grabbed breakfast with Crissie after we talked about life and I basically drank about three gallons of water at breakfast alone. Then I decided I REALLY needed a shower, so I hopped on my bike (which was the best thing in the entire universe).

BUT THEN I saw the Brackett soccer team (aka, Andy, Graham, Flock, Connor, and Anthony) on the Kitt fields and everyone was excited I was alive, and then we talked about our nights and our adventures and how Connor owes me* because he missed physics on Friday and how we are going to go on more adventures together and how I don't bring them fruit snacks anymore like I used to haha :) But then Donna came and brought them snacks, so I was in the clear :)

Then I took a shower and it was cathartic and amazing and just generally the greatest thing in the world. I did a standing meditation in there (which is basically when you pretend you're a tree, blooming and alive and with roots going deep. And it was helpful.

Then I took a quick nap after I got dressed, and then I wrote my blog, and then I went back over to Hallett where Mora, Crissie, Poppy, Morgan, and I all watched music videos for hours. It was fun, but I felt pretty wonky the entire time. I'm not sure why. Something just felt off.

But then I got a pizza from Weather Tech and it was pretty good, and then I had to go catch a bus to come home to the Rad Arvad in order to ski tomorrow!

I really like riding the bus by myself. Most people I know would consider this a strange statement to make, but I really enjoy it. There are just all these people, with their entire lives behind and ahead of them, and you're sharing the same space with them for awhile. And yeah, maybe you're just a background character in their life when you're the lead in the tragicomic of your own life. I don't think this lends itself to the expansive futility of our work, or even to the insignificance of existence. Although those thoughts did cross my mind. It's more about lives connecting and intersecting and contributing to the collective human experience.

We've been talking a lot about the differences between ancient and modern liberties, and how in the ancient world, it was more a collective experience because the concept of individual rights didn't exist. However, I'm not so sure that distinction is the best one to make. Because I feel like all our varied stories and experiences and beliefs and rights to engage in discourse on whatever the hell we want lends to a more expansive view of the human experience. I don't know. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, because in politics, the state basically came before anything else, while nowadays the state takes a marginal position to the individual. But still. Stories make us who we are, and the whole bus thing just makes me feel like this is an idea I have to digest slowly. Like a boa constrictor***

Anyway. Then I ended up in ARVADA HELL YEAH**** and Mason picked me up and we talked about his prom plans and college and school and life, and then I got home and hugged my parents and high fived my sister and hung out with my two dogs Ollie and Ace, because I miss them more than anything. So then everyone but Mason and I went to bed and we watched Psych and then The Office and I fell asleep on my couch. Just like Old Times.

So yeah. I don't know what else to say except that I'm okay and I'm basically just trying to figure out where to go from here, you know? Being human is hard, and I'm just trying to learn how to be human in these crazy, confusing times.

I'm going to leave you with a Jewish proverb: "What's truer than truth? The story."

Thanks for reading :)

*we made a pact about how every time he misses class (because he needs to start coming or his grades will slip), he owes me some carbon chains**
**euphemism
***reason number 4,923 that I would make a horrific poet: I'm bad at simple similes.
****sarcasm, because I kind of hate my hometown some days