One of the Only Certainties I Have

Monday 22 April

So I passed out last night doing homework like a pro, so here we are in the afternoon. Yay!

Deciding what to wear yesterday was, quite possibly, the hardest decision I'll make all week. And, like most difficult decisions, there was regret involved in not choosing something else. So yeah.

I decided I also gave no fucks about how my hair looked yesterday, so I'm sorry if I looked like a crazy person with my frizz everywhere. Anyway. I rode my bike to physics, and I'm sorry, Bible people under the bridge, for almost running you over when you tried to hand me that copy of the New Testament. I have nothing against your religion even though I'm agnostic personally, and I think it's a great work of literature. It's just that the breaks on my bike LITERALLY DO NOT FUNCTION and I couldn't stop without crashing.

So yeah. Physics was good. Joe and I rock at waves, and Connor still owes me because he hasn't showed up to class. Lame. Anyway. I walked outside to a very dark sky and said, "What the fuck?" because Colorado sucks. It started to pour just as I got to Western Political Thought, where we learned about Alexis de Tocqueville's travels in America in the 1830's, which I guess is a little like CU Boulder on a Friday night (due to the amount of inebriation and political enthusiasm). But really. Andrew Jackson hosted an inauguration party that actually literally turned into a rager in the White House. Great place to be, Jacksonian America. Anyway. It was a snowstorm when I walked out of that class and was quite depressed because I am OVER wearing shoes anymore. Chemistry, then, was chemistry. We talked more about catalysis in kinetics, so that was fun.

Then I went to lunch with Jack and ate in Farrand by myself until Steph came and rescued me from social awkwardness, so that was Ace.

We walked to lab in the snow, and we did our LAST OFFICIAL RECITATION. FUCK YOU, SCIENCE. Haha and then we did our lab, which I am pretty ambivalent about. It's killing me to not know if I had aluminum in my cation solution. I'm pretty sure I didn't but I can't be sure if that was just the alumion solution or if it was actually a reaction taking place. Lab. Gotta love it.

Anyway. Then I worked on my Jefferson project until Crissie said we should go to Target and be us, which was grand. SO we went to to Target and bought chocolate and cake mix and printer ink and Rockstar, because we're cool and college kids.

So yeah. We got back and talked to Johnny for a second and then we joined the Basement Brackett clan for dinner, which was great. We talked about our infamous New Year's Gathering, and then about the Twitter account that posts the C4C cookie menu, which Joe and Crissie thought was stupid, but Jackson and I think it's great. And then we talked about relativity and I got called a nerd. Which was awesome.

Yup. We went back to Hallett and talked about nail art while I worked on my Jefferson presentation, and then Binder came in and we did CAPA together, which was fun, albeit a little distracted and random. Then we hung out for awhile, I ate some chocolate, my boobs were ogled, and Poppy, Morgan, Crissie, and I watched YouTube until I got the motivation to get back to Kitt in the snowstorm. Then I finished my Jefferson presentation and passed out making notes for that.

And overall, it was a pretty decent day. Not too over the top, not too rushed, not too stressed, not too dynamic, but just good. That's all it was, and I'm perfectly okay with that.

So I got called a nerd today, and I thought it was great. And I know I do rant about this a lot, but Im going to again, because it is the only part of my multitudinous identity that I am completely certain about.

I went in for this interview for a scholarship last year (which I didn't end up getting, probably because they could smell the crazy on me and decided against it) and they asked me to describe myself in one word. And I said sincerely, the only question I was certain of through that entire interview, "Oh, I'm totally a nerd."

And they kinda stared at me and finally said, "Um. You don't act like a nerd. Or look like one."

Honestly, I was pretty indignant about that. Because it honestly is It didn't seem fair for them to profile me like that—yeah, I was wearing my best skirt and I gave a shit about my hair and I actually put on makeup and wore high heels, and for once in my life I wasn't completely socially awkward.

But that's not what I think being a nerd means. It's so much more than that, and I believe it even transcends that stupid definition of old. Yeah, I use science concepts to explain my feelings and that I read political biographies for fun and I reference Star Wars anytime I possible can. But nerds are allowed to have this genuine, unapologetic excitement towards the world. We’re allowed to get ridiculously excited about academia, or pop culture, or really whatever makes this dismal world a brighter place, because there is no pressure to look cool. It's so much better than regular life. Nerd life is filled with infinitely many small moments of joy and excitement and passion and those keep me going. Which isn't so bad.

And I guess that's why I am so happy to be up here. Yeah, this year has been mostly about my emotional development, because, let's face it, I'm awkward and learning how to interact with other people is a really interesting education. But amongst all this is something I love and truly believe in—my intellectual education. I suppose that's why I like to talk about Calc III when I'm in a strange mood, and why I love lab so much, and why I can watch two hours of TED Talks and have no shame, and why when I read something really cool about politics I share it with whoever I'm with. Because some parts of your identity need to stay the same when literally everything else around you is changing. And falling back on "nerd" isn't necessarily a bad thing at all.

Anyway. I'm out. I'll see you tonight!

Thanks for reading :)