Shadow Beasts and Coloring Because We're Five :)

Tuesday 16 April

Today has been absolutely insane. Lots of walking, lots of studying, lots of work, but this is the life I've chosen and I probably couldn't be happier, because, after all, "Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination" :)

I woke up this morning QUITE dismayed that there wasn't a snow day this morning since I had a chem test today and was really hoping that would be cancelled since I have no idea how to isomers.

But I got ready for the daily grind and then finished my Norlin homework on my walk to the library. In that class, we discussed our Shadow Beasts—that is, the part of you that you push away into the shadows based on like society or whatever. I prefaced mine with, "So, on Friday night before a lot of crap went down, I saw a raccoon." And they all laughed because they know about my phobia of raccoons, which is basically pretty debilitating.

Digression: It all started the second day up in Boulder, when I came home at four in the morning after escorting my remarkably inebriated friends home from a house party where I’d abstained from drinking. All I wanted to do was sleep. My feet hurt from tramping around campus in flip-flops, I got hopelessly lost on the way home, and as an introvert I just really wanted some time alone to recharge. Smith Hall was within sight, and I was filled with an overwhelming sense of relief as I started over the bridge on Kitt Lake.

And then two very large, very threatening raccoons came on the bridge in front of me and blocked my path. I stopped dead. They began to rapidly approach me as they stared me down, their eyes flashing in the darkness. I shouted “OH MY FREAKING GOD,” turned around, bolted around Kitt Lake and over the other bridge, and arrived in the lobby of Smith, petrified, trembling, and getting laughed at by some stoners.

And basically they are mean and evil and snarky and angry and I am freaking terrified of them.

So that's my beef with raccoons.

I talked about how my shadow beast is that of the raccoon—it's outright clever and intelligent, confident, can be angry and mean, and basically doesn't give a shit*. I want to be that sometimes, but I don't feel like I can at all. So that's my Shadow Beast.

It was pretty interesting to hear the other people's shadow beasts too—they all had to do with like not caring and being a mess and not being the put-together kids everyone thinks we are, and that was sad. Because even though we're smart or whatever because we're Norlin Scholars, we're still people and we have feelings and I don't think intelligence should negate any of this shit we have to put up with being a human being in these crazy times.

Then I walked to ethics (I also cut my walking time down to 12 minutes—what's up?) where I heard presentations on Otto Van Bismarck (the unifier of the modern state of Germany), Adolf Hitler (interesting take on him—it was proposed he was amoral, which makes a great amount of sense), and Malcom X (you should probably know who this is if you're reading this blog—I mean really, you're friends with the biggest geek since like Thomas Jefferson or whatever).

So that was fascinating and my peers are really raising the bar for my damn presentation that I'll make at three in the morning on Tuesday before it's due haha.

Then, I went to Farrand and got food, and then I did my laundry like a boss! Yeah! Growing up and shit.

Then I look my SECOND trip to the library of the day to have my ethics consultation with Piper about my project and to check in about how I'm doing with my class (12 minutes again—consistency FTW). And she said I was doing really well, which is pretty interesting. I'm like, "Piper, are you on drugs?!" because I feel like I am so ridiculously scattered whenever I open my mouth—I try to say something and I'm like "OH JESUS WORDBARF AGAIN COME BACK." It's like nothing I say makes any sense in my brain but then apparently it comes out making sense to everyone else. I don't know how this begins to work. At all.

I also MIGHT incorporate this whole deelio into my final project for Norlin. Still working on the logistics behind that...

But seriously. What the hell is going on? How does this work? Questions everywhere. Again. My brain makes no sense at all.

Anyway. Then I studied for awhile in the math library and then I realized I forgot like everything for the rest of the night and had to walk BACK TO FREAKING KITTREDGE. I HATE LIVING SO FAR AWAY DAMN IT.

But yeah. I studied for awhile and then got distracted as usual, so I ended up on Facebook/the internet, and I found out my good friend Anthony has a blog too and he's a crap ton better at articulating the angst of modern life than I am.

Yeah. Then I came to Hallett as usual and walked in on Mora and Crissie signing "Thrift Shop," which was pretty neat and they are pretty good haha.

Then I walked to the library got the THIRD FREAKING TIME TODAY and dropped Crissie off and talked with her coworker Sam and then went to take my CHEM TEST FUCK YEAH.

And it went okay—I guess I did okay on all the kinetics stuff and even kind of managed to scrape by on the isomers piece. Then again, I don't have chem tomorrow so that's exciting.

I would also like to share that I have no idea how to study. In high school, I was like a sponge—I just absorbed and regurgitated and glanced over my notes five minutes before the exams. Like a pro. But I'm finding that it doesn't really work out as well in college or whatever. So I've been having to learn how to do that, and it's hard.

Anyway. Then I came back to Hallett to meet Binder and do physics, but we ended up in a hostage situation in a standoff between Nole and Tommy. This is the second chem test I've come back to when a hostage situation and copious amounts of Febreze are involved. Hallett shenanigans. They never get old.

We conquered our physics, and then I was left alone in Crissie's room, which was interesting and lonely or whatever, so yeah. Then Mora and Crissie came back from Target with a cookie for me from PANERA WHICH WAS AH-MAY-ZING! THANKS CRISSIE!

So now we're all coloring so I'm going to join this party. Because I'm five. :)

Thanks for reading :)

*I've given up on censoring my blog, because this is the internet, dammit, and I basically talk like a goddamn sailor anyway. One letter out will not kill you, and if it offends you, I'm sorry. But really. This is me. You should expect that.