Because I'm Sometimes a Crack Addict Learning the ASL Sign for "Malaysia"

Sunday 21 April

Well today was Pretty Good, and I'm discovering day by day that maybe sometimes the bad stuff isn't so bad after all and there is some good still left in the world.

My mom woke me up at 6:00 AM this morning from troubled dreams to tell me that the roads were too bad to ski AGAIN and then I fell back asleep kind of disappointed yet craving sleep. BUT THEN at 6:20, she was like, "JK LOL GET IN THE CAR" and we headed up to the mountains and I was beyond elated.

I don't think you understand how happy this makes me. I fucking love skiing. That's all I can say. If I try and explain it, I get all excited and then just end up waving my hands around like a crack addict who just learned the ASL sign for Malaysia. It's kinda funny. I get this way when I try and talk about history or chemistry or British politics too. Talk to any of my friends and they will tell you. Its technical term is a "nerdgasm."

Anyway. And today was probably one of the best days of the entire season. I really enjoy the spring shit that they have packed down now and my new skis kick ass in it and they had POWDER for once and even though my knees feel like knives are digging under my patellas, basically today was just VAIL FUCK YEAH. That's all I can say. See? I'm doing the crack Malaysia thing.

This is a picture from today. I may or may not be the idiot in the green coat.

FUCK YEAH

So yup. That was my day. I then hung out with Mason and Ellie briefly and then my dad drove me back to Boulder. I took a shower and then went over to Hallett, where Crissie and I had Matters to Discuss and then we were joined at dinner by Dan! So that was fun.

Then we went back up to her room, where I worked on my Jefferson project and everyone came in. Nole and Griffin kept bringing up my boobs in conversation, which is bizarre because most of the time only phallic references are made around me.

It's a weird life, but it's where I'm at right now.

Then everyone left so Crissie and I could have our capital-T Talk, and that was interesting to say the least. Most of it went like this:
Me: *laughing* So yeah...
Crissie: *laughing* Yeah...
Me: Yeah....
Crissie: Yeah...
Me: Yeah...
Crissie: Yeah...
And so basically my best friend and I are the people that can say "yeah" for an hour straight and still think it's as funny as it was when we first noticed we started saying it.

We're pretty cool.

Anyway so then Morgan, Poppy, and Mora came back from their dinner with Erica and they were pretty entertaining. The quote of the day goes to Morgan, who said, "I went over to Coors Event to find a tree to climb, but they only have pine trees. What the hell?" 'Murica, that's why.

Yeah. Then I grabbed my bike and came back to Kitt, where I watched a great TED talk on the Power of Introverts that Piper recommended to me, because basically I'm the kind of kid that watches TED Talks when she gets bored with her homework. And you know what? I'm okay with that.

And yeah. I'm still more lost than I've ever been, in between my past and my future in this turbulent present that likes to consistently usurp anything I know for sure with tidal waves of uncertainty and doubt and existential angst. This entire year has been an education. Not just of my mind, which has expanded, or of my emotions, which I've experienced the entire range of. This has been an education on what it means to be human. This has been an education on what it means to truly be alive in these crazy ass times with people that are just as lost as you, floating on the same current. I'm not sure what the hell is going on, honestly. But I'll keep asking until I get kind of an answer.

To go on the Gatsby theme I've somehow found myself on, I don't know if I'm Gatsby completely. But I think there is a part of me that knows what he's talking about. I know what Fitzgerald means when he talks about the irreconcilable nature of our dreams to reality—my life has been an experience in that. And yet, we still cling to our beliefs like buoys in the storm. This is another idea that needs to ruminate before I can get it fully fleshed out.

So here's a Fitz quote for you:

"Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgiastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that's no matter--tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther.... And one fine morning--
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."

Love that. :)

Thanks for reading :)