Tralfamadore

Thursday 24 April

Well I'm ALMOST TOTALLY caught up on the blog, next on the list is sleep and case briefs, though those are happening later since a de-stress is going to be Necessary later.

Pro Tip for College: Never, EVER, EVER, EVER fall asleep after pulling an all-nighter. Push through it. If you fall asleep it's all over—aka you'll not enter REM sleep and that will make you regret all of your life choices and you'll wake up without being rested and with a massive headache from lack of sleep—yeah, THANKS BRAIN I KNOW I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN AWHILE YOU'RE DOING YOUR JOB SO WELL.

So yeah. I woke up in that really weird place you find yourself in after an all-nighter—you're happy and excited and life is awesome and you're just so marvelously aloof. The mountains were honestly really beautiful this morning and it was pretty neat—against the sky, they looked like a cutout instead of the realest things in this town. It's so weird. Skies are neat, especially the Colorado skies with a monochromatic depth that pulls you up while rooting your firmly on the ground where you stand. It's weird. Hella weird.

Please enjoy this diagram of an all-nighter, because it's 100% accurate:

Painfully Accurate

Anyway. I went to lab, where I listened to my colleagues who are all vastly more qualified than I present about their synthesis projects, and I ended up being the only one that did polystyrene, so yay polymers. I edited my paper and people were like, "What the hell are you writing about?" and I answered "Oh, The English Civil War," and they just give me this skeptical look. It sucks being in two worlds, thoroughly at home in each of them, yet never really being accepted by either. The sleep deprivation was hitting me hard at this point and my whole brain was crying in protest to the lack of Red Bull coursing through my veins.

Then I came home, ate some pizza rolls, edited the paper, and printed that muthafucka out. It was a relief, honestly. It's not a bad paper. It's also not a good paper. But it's a paper. I did at least that much. You can count on me to always do at least that much.

Then I actually went to revolutions, where I made a new friend via my Norlin friend Natalie—her name is Rachel and I tried to socialize or whatever—and then I talked to this kid Jack because we'd talked on Friday about these damn papers, and then I chatted with this guy Leo I sat next to, and he too was shocked about Organic chemistry—really, people, I want to rule the world, I'm going to be as broad as I can with the data I collect. Then we watched The Square which if tomorrow wasn't Ramadonna then I'd totally watch in the evening, but Ramadonna takes precedence over everything, basically.

Then I went to Nordic Literature, where we discussed Montecore and I struggled to stay awake. The struggle was real, but it was nice to leave early because FCQ's. I walked home, went to Cosmo's with Paige, went to Sprout's and we shared a cake (I'm a great boyfriend), and then I fell asleep on the couch. I woke back up around 8:30 and then read a bit on Roe before blogging and thinking and such, and I ended up falling asleep whilst writing this last night so this is the state I find myself in.

Goddamn Right I'm The Best Boyfriend Ever

We talked on Wednesday about the Tralfamadorian novel in Slaughterhouse Five and I think I'll just transcribe that paragraph because it's the best:

Each clump of symbols if a brief, urgent message—describing a situation, a scene. We Tralfamadorians read them all at once, not one after the other. There isn't any particular relationship between all the messages, except that the author has chosen them carefully, so that, when seen all at once, they produce an image of life that is beautiful and surprising and deep. There is no beginning, no middle, no end, no suspense, no moral, no causes, no effects. What we love in our books are the depths of many marvelous moments seen all at one time.

And that's why I love Vonnegut okay bye

But really. I don't agree with a lot of what the Tralfamadorians say (like ignoring the bad moments—just because something terrible happens doesn't mean you get to disregard it completely. You have to keep moving, of course, but it's healthy to reflect and get better from it all. Someday what doesn't kill you comes back with a vengeance, and you'll have to beat it back again. I know that much. I really do), but I like this idea of novels—it works really well with Vonnegut's especially. It's a good way to think about life, especially in my position. Maybe there isn't any inherent meaning, but that doesn't diminish the importance of the moment.

Really, though. I think the happiest I was last April was at Ramadonna, where literally we sat around and talked for like four hours and then went to Denny's and Donna fit a whole pancake in her mouth. Another time was when I went on a hike with my mom and she bought me lunch. Another time was watching Iron Man with my friends. Or this last year, when I hung out by myself for three hours and studied art history, or when Crissie and I took all those terrible selfies, or when I led my roommates through glen and over dale on a hike. None of these moments revealed any inherent truths about the nature of humanity, but they were nice moments. They had depth and they had meaning, if only just because they didn't suck. Everything matters. Everyone matters. That's why I keep this up every April—at the end of this all, it's a depth of many marvelous moments seen all at one time. And I think that's beautiful.

Anyway. I'm going to edit a paper real quick before writing.

Thanks for reading :)