The Iron Throne Will Rust

Saturday 26 April

So Saturdays are always a bit useless for me, because I usually try to catch up on what the rest of the week has thrown at me, and this week I got a LOT thrown at me.

Woke up safely in bed, so score one. Then remembered the night, and it hit me like a freight train. Was physically ill for the rest of the day. In the hole again.

Anyway. I went outside and tanned with Paige and read a bit of Montecore and wallowed in misery until I fell asleep in the warmth of the evil sun, which burnt me. Thanks universe. You're the fucking best.

I came inside and tried to read, but I fell asleep instead, because I was clearly not ready for this week to really end up the way it did. I'm so disappointed in myself, honestly. I'm really struggling with all of everything, and it's ridiculous. I don't know what to do and I literally don't want success in my life half as much as I just want to sleep. It's so bad, and I always get this way at the end of the year—an entire semester of working your ass off just so you can keep up is the Absolute Worst and I'm so sick of it.

But then Dani came home from campus and Mina and Paige came inside from the evil sun and we played "Charades" on Paige's phone and that was pretty nice. Mostly we just shouted the plots and actors of movies at each other and then wailed song lyrics (and when "Total Eclipse of the Heart" came on Paige and Dani screamed and I immediately knew what that was, because we like that song a little too much for our own good).

Bongi then texted me and asked if I wanted to get Cosmo's and of course I said yes on that one because FOOD DUDES and we walked there and I regretted all of my life choices and such and that was really fucking bad. Basically I ended up feeling worse about everything I've chosen to do, because sometimes when you're in a hole everything seems really hopeless and you don't know what the fuck to do. Seriously I can oxidize a ketone but I can't fukkin figure out what the hell I'm supposed to do in the real world WHY CAN'T YOU TEACH ME THESE KINDS OF THINGS UGH.

So yeah. Then I sat and wrote about my problems and let them marinate for awhile. It's weird because bad situations always make for good writing and it's the absolute fucking worst thing ever. Because I don't want to have to sacrifice having a good life for writing and I'm done with what Linda Greenlaw said, and that was to get your heart broken a lot. I hate that advice. There's too much truth in it.

Anyway, then Paige told me to stop being such a sad sack and to put on some lady clothes and come with her over to Mina's apartment for a small gathering. Said gathering involved pesto and REAL AUTHENTIC PARMESAN CHEESE OMG and then we danced the night away. It wasn't a talking party, which is usually my kind of party, but it was rather nice to learn some dances of Italy or whatever.

My sister also snapchatted me and was like why the fuck are you wearing makeup and this was my response:

Ask Me If I Care I Dare You

Anyway. Then Paige said she wanted to leave, and I was perfectly okay with that because of Reasons and I'm not very good in social situations and whatnot. On the way back, she admitted, "I'm glad we left because I kind of just want to watch Sherlock and eat pizza rolls" which is basically the greatest victory for nerdkind ever. And so we sat on the couch, made pizza rolls, and watched our favorite episode "A Scandal In Belgravia" with lesbian dominatrix Irene Adler. Woot woot. Also I realized this gem:

HONEYPOT SIGHTING

And that's why Talisa Maegyr is foreign—she's not from Volantis she's from London. NO WONDER Roose "On the Loose" Bolton hates her—he's like "Oh this one has a grudge against high-functioning sociopaths." I mean, good for her that she gets Robb "Yolo" Stark after John—helluva rebound, gurl—but really fuck those stupid seven kingdoms OF COURSE YOU'RE STUPID ENOUGH TO GO THERE YOU STUPID MIDGARDIAN (This paragraph is one of the many reasons I'm surprised I still have friends). 

After that, I went to bed.

I don't know. Maybe it's just the hole I'm in, but I just felt a little sad and mostly just tired throughout the whole thing. Maybe it's the whole dancing thing, because I haven't danced in three years and it always makes me really sad. It's never going to be what it was. That's my curse. Pro tip, kids: Never let yourself get too invested in dance, because it will make your college and high school careers utter misery because you can't go back to it like you used to. I used to love it more than anything, and now it's a bit tainted, and maybe that's what you get when you grow up. Maybe that's the reality that you couldn't see. Ignorance is bliss, and reality bites. It's hard. I don't know when it all got so convoluted, honestly. Maybe you can't pinpoint the exact second that everything falls apart. It doesn't end in fire and blood, oh Targaryens. It ends in slowly oxidized iron and slow rotting of cores, a slow, gradual, inevitable decay. Granted, that's not very good for House Words, but that's the truth. The bitter, painful truth. Maybe I'm a cynic. Probably I'm a cynic. Actually I'm a cynic. But that doesn't diminish the importance of all of that.

Anyway. Thrones and a new blog and a shit ton of Nordic Literature tonight woot woot.

Thanks for reading :)