Dutch Windows

Tuesday 15 April

So I just took an organic chemistry exam and basically this is how I'm feeling:

*frantic, panicked laughter*

When it comes to exam time, I always play "The Rains of Castamere" because it gets me in the "scorched-earth-scorched-test-i'm-fucking-awesome" mindset. However, sometimes with that song, you're Tywin Lannister (me on political science tests because I rock that shit). And sometimes, you're ALL OF HOUSE REYNE (me in chemistry because IT wrecks ME).

Whatever.

I woke up this morning, managed to put on a clean (? maybe?) shirt and pants, and head to lab, where I successfully isolated my product a full day ahead of schedule. Now I have to find about six hours to research the history of polystyrene (really WHERE THE HELL AM I GOING TO FIND SIX HOURS GOD LAB TA I HAVE A LIFE TO BE LIVED AND A PAPER TO BE WRITTEN UGH) but no lab Thursday aka paper writing time!

I came back home, studied for ochem, read half my Nordic Lit reading, took a nap, ate some pizza rolls, and finished my Nordic Lit reading before heading out to class. Killed three hours easily. Whoops.

I then went to Revolutions, where we talked about the Turkish Spring, which I found so utterly fascinating and engaging that I completely forgot about the fact that I'm fucked for chemistry for the entirety of that class. It was totally awesome. That's literally the only class I have where I am focused on revolutions and only revolutions and have the concentration of Sherlock Holmes on a case. It's really pretty freaking awesome, and I could probably do it all day and not get bored.

Moments like that are moments when I think I've made a huge mistake in majors choices. Whatever #yolo #i'mtoofardowntheroadlesstraveled #hellodarknessmyoldfriend

Anyway. Then I headed to Nordic Literature, where we discussed "Babette's Feast" and "Tempests" by my girl Karen Blixen. I sympathized with artists, laughed nearly hysterically when asked to share my paper topic (oh dear guess who's procrastinated herself into a corner on that one), and sat passively because everything I have to say would probably end up like this because my brain is so freaking fried. Kill me now.

I listened to the Fantastic Mr. Fox soundtrack on the bus ride home (time crunches are the literal worst) to remind myself that I'd be one of the pretentious kids in a Wes Anderson film, wolfed down some pasta, memorized a mechanism or two, and headed out the door again to take this stupid bloody exam. I resigned myself to my fate on this one a long time ago, and as long as I get at least a 70 on this and then a 75 on the final I can still pass the course #priorities (get it that's an o-chem joke haha man I really need some sleep here).

Anyway. As I was on my merry way home, I loved seeing Bear Creek all lit up from the inside out. There was this one part in The Last Little Blue Envelope by Maureen Johnson (actually the inventor of Blog Every Day April, so you can blame her for everything) where the main character is wandering through Amsterdam and reading a letter her great-aunt wrote talking about how people in the city leave their windows/blinds open, but it's a common courtesy not to look into the windows. The quote goes, "The idea is that whatever you're doing in your house, however you choose to live life, is fine. You have nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to hide."

Which is important. You do you and fuck the rest. It's a Millennial ideal—you're a unique little snowflake. But the truth is, we're all going to end up organic matter decaying in the long run. All men must die. So why not live authentically? My spirit animal is the raccoon, because as much as they scare the bejesus out of me, their appearance traditionally is supposed to make you question the authenticity of your life. Which means you have to keep questioning, keep evaluating, and keep yourself grounded. Live genuinely. Keep the windows open, because you might just surprise yourself.

That's all I have to say because I sound like that proverbial crack-addled monkey again, so I'm going to go the fuck to sleep to face the day tomorrow. 

Thanks for reading :)