Well today wasn't so bad for a severely exhausted Monday.
Four more weeks of ochem. That's all I can tell myself as I walk through the day having near panic-attacks when I realize the sheer amount of material I need to learn before Tuesday and then the sheer amount of work I need to do to get there and I just:
 |
| My Brain Regarding Organic Chemistry |
Anyway. Then I went to Constitutional Law and we talked about executive prerogative and my teacher made the deliberately unsettling claim that a leader that isn't prepared to go beyond the law and codified statutes in order to protect the people he serves doesn't deserve to lead at all. Which made my skin crawl but also makes a severe amount of sense. Something to think about.
Then I finally decided to go and ask my writing professor what the hell I should do about this narrative, because I really didn't have the slightest clue. So I got lost in the basement of the Environmental Design Building. And so we had a nice chat that started out with, "Why don't you give this poor long suffering character a happy ending?" and I was like, "Dude I'm almost done with A Song of Ice and Fire and I came here intending to have a Red Wedding style ending to this...I don't believe in that bullshit." He thought that was appropriate, weirdly enough (though I don't have the heart to kill off my creations—YEAH I'M LOOKING AT YOU GRRM), and then we had a nice conversation about me writing fiction (a question I dodged because that is a hornet's nest), modernists (mostly Hemingway) and my future (he thought I was a senior—credits on credits) and how he wants to teach a course on law and literature, which I thought was interesting. I think I'm going to start going to these people's office hours more often.
Then I went to chem recitation and got wrecked by that quiz. Literally nothing makes any sense in that bloody class. This is our theme song in that class.
I finished my Shakespeare research and then went to my writing class, where I nerded out about Queen Elizabeth and King James and parliamentary elections and resisted the overwhelming urge to say, "Yeah so Queen Elizabeth was pretty baller. Shakespeare was hell rad too." Sometimes I get a bit too excited about these things.
Then, I took a nice stroll home, and reveled in this nice fall day even though I was a tad disheartened since my iPod played literally every sad song it had (I like my music to be happy, and my literature heartbreaking, so then you can have things like this (it's graphic). I like myself a few juxtapositions, sue me). So whatever.
Got home, ate some Wheat Thins, Tumblred for awhile (and now I'm up to eight whole followers so you could say I'm internet famous #nobiggie), and finished my narrative with an appropriate amount of unhappy endings and just the right amount of absolution. Sounds a bit like my own life (heyyyy it's art reflecting life or the other way around heyyyy).
Then we laughed for awhile looking at pictures that we've taken that can never see the light of day (because we're hella cute all the time), and then we talked about Game of Thrones, and then we got down to business to defeat the Huns and I didn't actually do any work since nothing's due for awhile (#yolo).
Interesting fact of the Day: Richard Nixon played piano and composed, which, if he had stuck with it, then maybe he would have had some better recordings (ba-doom-chick, god Watergate jokes never get old).
I don't know. Maybe I hate happy endings because I really don't have any hope for them. Literally, I cried during Tangled because there was a vague hint at a happy ending and it was TOO BLOODY CUTE AND JUST UGH. Maybe I'm jaded and disillusioned. Probably I'm jaded and disillusioned. But a happy ending can only happen depending on when you stop telling the story.
Then again, my writing professor told me, "Death happens to all of us at the end. Why not give her a chance at life? Maybe she won't find salvation, but she gets a story." And I think that's important.
Do I want a happy ending? Obviously. Some part of me that looks up at the night sky wants a princess story with an animal sidekick and a prince charming and signs in the stars or whatever the hell else there is (it's been awhile so I don't quite remember).
But I've always been a realist. And I know that stars are a bunch of gases burning up millions of miles away that will live and die just like us. And for the first time in a long time, I don't need rescuing. I'm a queen. And I'll rule in this moment, and I'll figure out my problems, and I'll accept that maybe this won't end happily, but maybe now is okay. There are ups and downs, and everything's in flux, but you can only rule the world by accepting it all and taking it as it is, not as it should be. There is something strangely beautiful in that too, and I'll honestly take that over a pretty dress any day.
Anyway. I need to go read Hunger (day three on this book, and there's a light at the end of this tunnel THANK THE OLD GODS AND THE NEW) so I'm going to stop rambling.
Thanks for reading :)
No comments:
Post a Comment