All In a Day's Work

Wednesday 16 April

So last night I failed miserably at pulling an all-nighter for my paper. That's going on the Murtaugh List, or the "I'm Getting Too Old for This Shit" List. Thanks HIMYM.

The Bible people showed up at the bus stop yesterday morning. Sorry I almost hit you with my bike last year. But the fact that they give you only the NEW Testament is really not helpful. Even as an atheist I'd rather have the FULL Christian experience rooted in really concrete older stuff. Come on. Don't censor my information.

Ochem was hella chill because we all just laughed at the absurdity of our exam, which is basically my response whenever I'm asked about my life and my choices. Con Law was infuriating, as we talked about the Korematsu case that's STILL BEING USED AS LEGAL PRECEDENT LIKE WHAT THE HECK. Anyway. Then I went to office hours for Nordic Lit, decided my paper topic on the spot when Ben asked me what I was writing on (whoops), and got some helpful advice on sources. It was awesome.

I came home, ate some pizza rolls, took a nap, and read the first two chapters of one of my absolute favourite books of all time, Slaughterhouse Five, for my writing class. A lot of my writing style is based on Vonnegut, which is probably why I love reading and writing on him—it's easy to see where he's coming from.

Then I WENT to writing, and I clammed up when I tried to talk about Vonnegut. I don't know what happened. I started to think that this book is one of those that you're convinced that the whole world needs to read and know about before it gets better, but until then, you can't really say much about it. Maybe it's just because I have a lot of passionate ideals attached to this book, which is why I can't really discuss it in a classroom setting, or maybe when people try to ask me academic questions about a book I read for pleasure, it ruins it. I love this book. I felt the same way about 1984, and my high school English teacher ruined it for me. I felt the same way about Song of Myself, and I had a little bit of a better time with that one freshman year, because I decided I wasn't going to let that happen again. But it's happening again. Booooo.

(I'm ridiculously sleep deprived, sorry)

I walked home, read a bit of A Dance With Dragons whilst cooking my pasta (and there was a nice plot development that left one of my favorite characters definitively not-dead, which is like fuck yeah! and oh no! at the same time, as it always is in these stupid Seven Kingdoms). Ate some pasta. Discovered another great song by another great artist (I really need to stop this, like now). Researched Kierkegaard. All in a day's work.

I then went to orchestra, where we saw this clip (what the heck) and also we watched a clip of the Berlin Philharmonic playing "Hungarian Dance No. 1" and I lost my shit when the camera flipped between the piccolo and the horns like I don't know what I'm doing anymore. We played through the full "Oberyn Martell Song" and that was fun, and then we played through Strauss's Kaiserwalzer all the way through, which was baller and reminds me of Marie Antoinette or whatever.

Then I came home and failed at an all-nighter, falling asleep six separate times and accomplishing only the annotation of my novels and the discovery of external sources. Fuck me.

Anyway. I'm in the midst of typing up a 2000 word dissertation on how characters in A Doll House respond to the pressures of modernity presented by Søren Kierkegaard in The Present Age. Fun stuff for a Thursday morning.

I'm not sure if my procrastination is bad this year because I thoroughly do not give two fucks, or if it's just because my fear of failure is too large for me to actually start anything in the fear that I will not be able to do it correctly. It's probably a little of both, honestly. Life is weird like that. I'm so morally ambiguous I don't know where I stand. I'm Kierkegaard's worst nightmare and his greatest hope. I'd be scared too if I was the only hope for someone. Whatever.

Off to write a paper. Please enjoy this gif of my queen Cersei Lannister drinking some Dornish red strongwine and looking angry at the world in place of a philosophy session:

Not Having It Today

Sidebar: Most of my gifs are either Thrones or Sherlock related, or they're GOB from Arrested Development (hello darkness my old friend...). I'm hella particular in my gifs taste.

Thanks for reading :)