Well yesterday's blog is hella late. Whoops.
I woke up much later than intended, went to the store because I was literally all out of food because Bongi finished off my pesto (thanks Bongi because I needed an excuse to go to the store!), wrote the blog for yesterday, and then started studying (and by "studying" I mean "reading about the Sibelius case with my O-Chem textbook open nearby").
I then showered, talked my mum out of skiing so I could actually study, and then walked to the International Festival at the UMC with Crissie and Dani. It was grand! Mostly we went for the free food, but we got a nice Canada fact sheet with the correct usage of the word "eh" and I was the second person to name all of the Nordic countries. Literally my biggest accomplishment of the week.
I went on Tumblr for awhile while halfheartedly helping Crissie pick out her outfit for going out, then she left with our good friend Connor Bottke, who's always a delight to nerd out with. It's grand. I was then left alone with Dani and Davis, and then Davis suggested we all get Gas Station Dessert, which was actually Gas Station Dinner for me. They got ice cream and whatnot, and I found this Gem:
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| High Hopes, Low Expectations |
I then spent the rest of the night listening to Lana Del Rey and then my oldies playlist while studying for organic chemistry, and it was the best night I've had in a really long time. Introversion makes totally mediocre nights like that really extraordinary, because I need that time to rest and be creative and dance around to Elvis Presley without anyone to talk to. Most people I know find this infuriating and confusing, but it's necessary for people like me. Life is weird like that.
So ya. Around this time last year was when I started to become wildly unhappy, for reasons that I can't quite articulate even to this day. For the longest time, it was a dark, cold winter in my soul—Others and White Walkers included. It's always good for the writing process, but it's never good for the spirit. The modern malaise is always with me, believe me. Sometimes, I am deeply unsatisfied with what is expected of me, but I don't feel so very stifled anymore. Maybe it's because I don't care anymore if the world falls apart. Maybe it's because I care too much to let my world fall apart like that ever again. But there's a weird sort of hope that's with me whenever I'm cornered now that wasn't there before. And I suppose that's what I got out of this last year.
There's a scene in the Wes Anderson film Fantastic Mr. Fox where Mr. and Mrs. Fox get trapped in a fox trap when they're raiding this farm and they're like "Oh no this is the end," but then Mr. Fox says, "If we can't go west, we gotta go down," and then they dig their way out of the fox trap, which is A+ because Mrs. Fox is pregnant and their life together is enriched and whatnot. So just remember: If you feel cornered, there's always another way out—even if it means you have to dig through the cold earth for awhile. But you will see the sun again. There's always hope, which I forgot for a long time last year. "This world may be broken," John Green once wrote, "but hope is not crazy." And I think that's important to remember. Maybe someday you pull yourself up by your own bootstraps, or maybe you've got friends that help you up, or maybe it's a combination of the two, but you can't just give up. This life is yours to live. You won't always feel this paralyzed. There's always a way out (unless you're a Stark of Winterfell. Never be a Stark of Winterfell). There's always another day when the proverbial sun will shine. I may not believe in happy endings, but I believe in happy tomorrows—much more pragmatic.
Anyway, it's about time for Game of Thrones, "The Lion and the Rose," which is PURPLE WEDDING TIME YEASSSSS. I'm stoked :D
Thanks for sticking with me and thanks, as always, for reading :)
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