Tapestries

Tuesday 29 April

So I ended up falling asleep AGAIN last night briefing the NFIB v. Sebelius case (read: Obamacare) and that was my life in a nutshell I am going to be the best lawyer ever.

Yesterday began with me waking up on the couch shouting obscenities because I fell asleep writing my synthesis paper, and that's why I'm a bad chemist. Finished an eight pager in an hour, which I think is some kind of record. I left early for the library to print and then trudged up the stairs of Ekeley and just yaaay.

Then we had a lab on the Synthesis of Coumarin Dyes, which I was like, "Oh, this is pretty simple, it's just a trans-esterification and then an acylation and then a quick hydrogenation" and I think I even got 100% on the quiz but NO OF COURSE NOT WHY WOULD THINGS WORK OUT FOR ME.

Basically

Because honestly I did EVERYTHING RIGHT and what did I get instead of a nice pretty yellow precipitate like expected? A BLACK DEATH SLUDGE THAT LOOKED LIKE OIL WHAT THE HELL IS MY LIFE. Even the lab director was like, "I literally have no idea what's happening to your reaction." It's official. I'm Seamus Finnegan:

Actual Depiction of Me In Chem Lab

So yaaay last lab of the year.

After that, I bussed home and read most of Montecore in two hours while also napping, which is interesting because that was literally 200 pages that I blew through. I got through all but 50 pages and read the last ten pages while settling down for Revolutions and I was like, "WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL" and got some looks.

Anyway. Revolutions was next, which was fabulous as always and we learned about the Tunisian revolution (Jasmine Revolution) and that was SUPER interesting, with a quite literal spark to start off the revolution (the self-immolation of Mohamed Bouazizi) in a state with lurking multiple dysfunction (the corruption was off the hook) and intransigent elite. The West was all like "What the hell just happened?" because the Tunisian people literally took down a regime that had been in place for 23 years in a mere 28 days with about 300 deaths. And the amazing thing is that the democracy is basically the only one that's survived the Arab Spring.

And to think, back when Tunisians were struggling for independence, I was struggle to get an A in Calculus and trying to relax without a clue that this was happening. I had no idea what was going on. This is why people hate Americans.

Anyway. Then I walked over to Nordic Literature, where we had a quiz (fuck) and talked about the plot twist at the end of the book (MY MIND IS BLOWN BUT I SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED THIS) but this was mostly me the whole time:

Lolz I Done Goofed

We also read an article by the author about racism in Swedish society and I would really recommend it to everyone  because it's really, really brilliant writing and raises a point of the racism within a well-regarded egalitarian society. There was one point where Jonas Hassen Khemiri wrote, "You must be a thousand times better than everyone else if you don't want to be refused" and my teacher asked if we'd ever heard that about a group in society and someone said "Women." And my teacher was like, "I've heard that said."

Then there was me in the back saying, "Ben, I've said that before. That is my life."

Because of course it's not the type of thing that I broadcast. I have no right to complain about the fact that I'm a white, lower-middle class female with a good head on her shoulders that has, for the most part, convinced most of the populace that I am the real deal and deserve to be taken seriously. But it hasn't been easy to get where I am. That's why on some level I can connect with the people that are struggling to get by and that face discrimination because we are consistently forced into proving ourselves when others can just walk right on in. It sucks. Maybe not as much for me as for others, but it sucks.

I don't know why we hate everyone that's so different from us. It's astounding to me. I mean, I get that it's human nature to band together in homogenous groups (honestly, that's the reason I hang out with nerds all the time because we can bond on the basis of shared experiences and interests), but that doesn't justify the absolute hatred that comes along with that sometimes. I don't know why I should have to sacrifice my femininity to get along so well with my guy friends. I don't know why people of color have to act "white" around here or else they're stigmatized. It makes zero sense to me. Maybe it's because I like the idea of plurality, of many voices, and maybe it's because I am a (admittedly poor) scientist and I know subjectivity fucks up my results (see above). But I don't understand it and it's so frustrating that we consistently ostracize and disregard anything that's different instead of looking objectively and engaging with it. I was the only white girl from America in the room a couple of weeks ago, and it was awesome. It's been remarkable to hear all these stories from all these people that have a different experience. Maybe, after all, it's because I'm a writer, and I like stories and I'm endlessly fascinated by everything and anything.

Because honestly, what are we except for the tapestries of our experiences, woven from many different colors of threads? Why be boring? We get enough of that in modernity. Live a little. Embrace differences, learn as much as you can from people, and love your fellow human, because underneath anything else, we're all just a tangle of nerves and veins and fluids. There is at least that to connect everyone in this fucked up rock we call home.

Anyway. After that, I walked home and I drove Paige and Crissie around and found Plato's Closet (which, just, yes because I'm hella broke), and then I made some pasta and finished the Roe brief. I then started to read NFIB, but I fell asleep, and then I tried again, and I failed again, so I finally went to bed. I repeat: I am not a successful adult.

So yeah. Long days. Longer nights. Total exhaustion. Infinite resignation. That's April!

I'm off to writeup a lab and study in advance for my three fucking finals on Saturday.

Thanks for reading :)