A Double Edged Sword

Sunday 6 April

As the Best Weekend Ever for Nerdkind draws to a close, I'm finding mild regret over my life choices (hey guess who's got a presentation to do by tomorrow morning) and yet simultaneously not giving any fucks because life is awesome and confusing and hella rad!

I woke up and got moving this morning, researching the role of women in Elizabethan and Stuart England, and then slowly getting derailed by Tumblr, the indie band The Limousines, and the Voynich manuscript, because yeah I have priorities and an endless curiosity. Sue me if you dare.

Then I took the bus in the midst of an April Shower (WTF) to the library to meet with my Shakespeare Conference Group, which was really just me and this other slightly academically motivated kid that loves Game of Thrones too (seriously I find these people everywhere without even meaning to fuck yeah), so that was fun. We made a Plan, which was good and will probably prevent us from failing miserably.

Then I took a nice walk home where I listened to my skiing playlist and thought about my life and my choices and the universe and that was really quite nice. I love walking. I love stealing some time from this universe that doesn't give me anything. Whenever I get stressed, I walk. It's nice. It's relaxing, just to get the blood flowing and to be alone with my thoughts, toxic as they can occasionally be. It helps you work out the poison.

After talking to my roomies about my sexual frustrations (just UGH it makes me want to violently write up a case brief to kill those stupid pesky things called feelings), I took a nap and woke up to see Man of Steel was on HBO, so of course I watched that because of Reasons (Reasons meaning Henry-"The Hot Duke of Suffolk"-Cavill because DAMN). I made some pesto pasta (the sauce of which failed to emulsify this time which was also VERY UNFORTUNATE UGH) and finished that off and failed to contain the ridiculous excitement regarding Game of Thrones.

"Two Swords" was good (NOOO ICE NOOO but whatever). A bit much on the exposition, since I feel like literally everyone is still reeling over Red Wedding, which happens in the books too. Arya/The Hound are a nice outlaw-slaughtering group and she's my favorite traumatized psychopath and yay. The Shae/Tyrion drama sounds like a damn sitcom plus murder, Jaime/Brienne really need a buddy cop  film, Cersei's throwing shade everywhere (was she drunk? OBVIOUSLY) but I still love the crazy bitch, Dany's got a crush (not Ser Jorah "Friendzone" Mormont), JON SNOW'S HAIR RECLAIMS ITS BEST-HAIR TITLE YES, and we didn't get to hear about Yara Greyjoy's crazy Viking mission to Save Theon:

Actual Photo of the Recommissioned Iron Islands Campaign (it used to say Euron)

Anyway. THEN like five minutes in, OBERYN MARTELL PRINCE OF DORNE SHOWS UP TO TAKE NAMES, HAVE SEX WITH EVERYTHING THAT MOVES, AND KICK ASS, and he's almost done with the first two! But seriously just This Guy:

Me As Varys Slyly Eyeing This Gift of a Man

This is going to be a great season I can tell.

Anyway. Sorry for all the fangirling. It happens. More than I'm proud to admit, but whatever.

Okay. Well. I've got to get moving on this Research Presentation. I've already rage-briefed a case, and I'm almost ready to go the fuck to sleep (lol that's funny).

I must reiterate that I am absolutely terrified of being the president and having someone like Superman come along and fuck up a city like Metropolis because REALLY DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH FUKKIN PROPERTY DAMAGE THAT FINE HUNK OF MAN HAS CAUSED? MY GOD YOU CAN'T PAY FOR THIS ON A REPORTER'S SALARY. How they get past that one is astounding to me.

I don't know. Like I said, it's hard to write frankly and honestly when I'm happy. I'm not sure why. My writing didn't get good until my younger and more vulnerable years were shattered with a swift blow from the stock market, and then that got more intense with another blow from my pesky emotions or whatever, and now I'm here having lived through all of it almost getting it kind of together, and for the first time in forever, I'm actually succeeding, and I don't know what to do about that.

Maybe that's what my homegirl Cersei meant when she told Sansa that "None of us get the things we want," because even if we do get the things we want, it never lasts, and we'll find something else to want, and maybe that'll be the thing that's out of reach. The Millennial in me thinks that it's our right and indeed, our duty to expect nothing other than what we want out of this world. But I'm also a large part Lost Generation and I know that that's a bit foolish and naive of me, because maybe there's absolutely nothing at all out there. The white whale exists at least, and he always lurks to usurp what we think we know.

But I still think it's beautiful that we cling to ideals. We cling to harmless untruths, the foma, that make us brave and kind and healthy and happy, to quote Vonnegut, and I think that's important. Maybe the white whale will come and capsize the proverbial Pequod of life. But we still need to figure out how to swim again if we're ever going to live to tell the tale. We can't become obsessed with the whale, else we'll be destroyed. We can only go along for the ride.

So yeah. After that tidbit, I'm going to listen to Frozen and Auturo Marquez and pretend to do some work. Yeah weekends!

Thanks for reading :)

In Which I Put the "Pro" in "Procrastination"

Saturday 5 April

It was two in the morning when I wrote this up last night, and instead of actually doing homework or sleeping or whatever, I've been laughing my ass off at this beautiful Red Wedding tumblr and looking at my life choices and tranzizzling pieces of my narrative because like I even care #yolo

I woke up hella confused yesterday morning on my couch. Because I clearly remember going to my bed, so I must have sleep-walked out there. Shit gets weird on our hella rad nights.

Anyway. I rubbed the sand out of my eyes, took a nice shower, made myself pizza rolls, lamented life choices with Crissie for awhile, and then wrote the blog from yesterday. I halfheartedly stared at some chemistry notes and then read a bit of background research for my paper I'm writing for Revolutions (which is going to be titled REVOLUCIÓN! and no one's going to stop me). Then I gave up on that one and read some Dance With Dragons and I stayed awake woohoo!

This killed literally eight hours. As I've said, I am the queen of great choices, as all of my friends will tell you.

After this shitshow of a day, Dani and I joined Davis and Evan and Bongi upstairs to watch our final episode in the rewatch of Season Three: "The Rains of Castamere" and "Mhysa," or as I like to refer to them, "Another Reason I Have Trust Issues" and "Jar-Jar-Binks's Revenge." It was great. I'm still so upset about Catelyn Stark. I cry every time. It's a disaster. I'm going to miss the hair of Robb Yolo Stark. Also just all the Starks in general, because I was rooting for them until they made more terrible decisions than me during an average Finals Week, and that's not okay.

I also got to make the "dick in a box" reference, which just wins every fucking time because "Yara" and Balon's faces I just can't:

You Had ONE JOB, Theon

Such Win, Much Hilarity, Very Sleep Deprived. Wow.

Game of Fucking Thrones. Game of Fucking Thrones, man.

And now I'm hanging out thinking of my additional life skills for my resume and I've got:

• balancing spoons on my nose
• eating pizza
• making Arrested Development jokes
• being zen as fuck
• finding foreign bands on YouTube and loving them
• not stabbing misogynists in the thigh with a butter knife every time they open their mouths
• procrastinating
• getting too excited about politics
• ironically loving Cersei Lannister and Roose Bolton
• unironically loving Yulia Tymoshenko and Benedict Cumberbatch
• ditching my shoes everywhere
• tripping over things

So yeah I'm DEFINITELY getting this internship this summer.

I don't really have anything else to add. It's hard to write sometimes when you're a happy cynic, as opposed to a disillusioned cynic. Everything seems a bit too cliche at this point to fully explain it. I now understand why when I asked Linda Greenlaw if she had any advice for me as an aspiring writer, she said, "Know grammar. Go out and do shit. Experience the world. And get your heart broken." I frowned at her and the look in her eyes just said, "Oh, you sweet summer child." Ten years later, I understand why.

So yeah. To quote the Vaccines, "I don't wanna wake up in the morning, but I've got to face the day." Let's do shit.

Thanks for reading :)

But First, We'll Live

Friday 4 April

Well last night began the Best Weekend Ever for nerdkind, which was, as I put on Instagram, Hella Rad. I passed out at like three or four in the morning and that was awesome.

Hella Rad

So yesterday was pretty chill. I went to organic in the morning and managed to stay awake even though every fibre in my being wanted to sleep. We learned about more ADOL REACTIONS, according to my notes. They're muy importante or whatever. I literally don't even care about that class anymore. I'm so tired of jumping through hoops just to get what I think I want. Then again, none of us get the things we want, so maybe this is the universe punishing me for even trying for it. I don't know and I'm tired of pretending to know anymore. Whatever, whatever, whatever.

My law class was cancelled since my prof was in Chicago, and I was quite distraught because I rather enjoy that class. I walked home and then did some laundry and cleaned the kitchen and also my room because that's what I do when I'm sad. I started off my narrative as well, which is based on The Great Gatsby and The Sun Also Rises, two of my favourite novels about the Jazz Age, so fuck yeah.

Then, I went to Writing, which was about as good as I could manage, and when we got time to actually work on our project, I mostly texted Crissie and also Mason. Productivity, yo.

I walked home again, was left alone in the apartment because my roommates go to the gym for some bizarre reason, and I read some Dance With Dragons and ended up falling asleep.

I then decided to make quinoa, because I'm running out of food and also pans. Quite literally right after I turned off the heat on it, Bongi called Crissie and asked if we wanted to go to Cosmo's, which happens every single time I eat quinoa. And, since I'm a Pizza Addict, I went with Bongi and Evan to Cosmo's and that was great, as we had a chat about politics, bro-ness, and Captain America. I love those kids. 

I came home, finished the quinoa, went on Tumblr for awhile, and then Bongi and Evan came back downstairs to our place because we're marginally cool or whatever. We hung out for awhile, and then we hopped in Noah's car with his Great Sound System to go and see Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

And HOLY FUCKING SHIT YES. YESYESYES. I just nerded the fuck out on this one (FUCK YEAH AMERICA) and was ever so pleased that Marvel doesn't have the balls to kill off their main characters (I'm looking at you, George RR Martin, because CAAAATTTT). My fear of being killed via rotating helicopter blades was indeed well-founded in that movie, Nick Fury is my spirit animal and everyone knows it (because we both have serious trust issues), and goddamn, Chris Evans's ass in 3D was worth the four extra dollars (because, oddly enough, I'm actually a girl and can appreciate stuff like that, as all of my male friends were shocked to see). I also found I have a serious fear of being president when shit happens like a fucking monster coming out of the sea (thanks, Godzilla trailer) or a total fascist overhaul of one of my most important institutions or fucking helicarriers emerging from the Potomac, or New York City being destroyed by the likes of Tom Hiddleston. Somehow I doubt that's covered in training.

I loved the juxtaposition of solider/citizen roles, and how both Sam and Steve and, to a certain extent, Natasha, had to deal with that conflict inside themselves, and it really helped to clarify some points for my narrative. I liked Black Widow being portrayed as a mostly three-dimensional human being with a complicated past, and wasn't over-sexualized a ton, which was one of my main issues with Iron Man 2. The CGI was brilliant as well. I continue to wonder why we make movies that have a scorched-earth policy and lay waste to our major cities (The Avengers, Man of Steel, Thor: The Dark World, etc), but it's fucking awesome, if not a reminder of our own mortality (the fear of which runs deep in me—like seriously, what if I die before The Winds of Winter comes out, or before I find out what happens to Lady Mary in Downton Abbey, or before I see my sis graduate high school, or before my brother gets his shit together, or before I'm able to run for office, or before I make a difference in this world? This is what keeps me up at night).

Honestly, though, I really identify with Captain America as a character. Maybe it's because we're both anachronisms and we're both just huge geeks at heart, but it's true. He believes in what America used to be—he believes in freedom, equality, and the indefatigable spirit of the American people—and he refuses to give that up even though the world keeps trying to tell him those ideals aren't valid. He's an idealist at heart, and believes in the good of humanity, despite the fact that he has no reason to believe that good things even exist. He believes in truth, he believes in America, and he believes in justice, and he doesn't let anyone bring him down. I love that. I've always loved that. That's why I got into politics, and that's why I'm so profoundly fucking angry all the time—nothing is giving me cause to think that my ideals are valid. I think that's a big motivation for Cap, why he keeps fighting. I know that's why I stay up until three in the morning all the time and stay with majors I hate and —if nothing gives me cause to validate my ideals, I'll make them fucking reality. Just watch me.

Anyway. Then we came home and had a nice little gathering, which involved a strong selfie game, the cutest puppy ever at Mina's apartment called Leo, Evan buying us all pizza (thanks, Evan!) and me micromanaging humans. I ended up being a confidante for a lot of things as well, and I'm not sure what it is about me that makes people tell me anything about everything, but I'm okay with it. I may hate people, but I hate some of them less than others, and all of your stories give me cause to keep on believing in you. And that's all I've ever wanted. To believe in something.

Overall, the point of yesterday, to paraphrase Game of Thrones, was that all men must die, and of course we will. All things have to end. But first, we'll live. We'll love, and we'll cry, and we'll experience agony and joy, and we may break our brains and hearts and spirits, but we'll keep standing back up. First, we'll live.

Thanks for giving this hopeless wanderer a cause to believe in, and thanks again for reading :)

Lifeboats

Thursday 3 April

This morning, my mother texted me at 7:12 AM saying, "Do you wanna build a snowman?" and I had to resist the urge to say, "GODDAMN IT ANNA JUST BECAUSE THE SKY IS AWAKE DOESN'T MEAN YOU NEED TO BE TOO" and instead sent her an enthusiastic "Second winter!!!"

So I woke up, put on real shoes (ugh), and headed off to chem lab, where I did an extraction, a distillation, prepped for my second distillation, and found out that I had to do an oil bath at 230 Celsius. I asked my TA and she was like, "That's an oil FIRE," and I just noped on that one, because I'm the kind of person that would light the lab on fire during an undergraduate lab. Hell, I can't even handle kind of diluted sodium hydroxide (because yeah, I gave myself a burn and didn't neutralize it with vinegar. Looking at my life, looking at my choices).

After I noped, I came home, ate lunch, and napped hard before reading Hunger (Still, "I don't know what I expected" man fuck this book).

During said lunch break, I happened to check my email and SEVEN BLOODY HELLS I GOT THE RESEARCH FELLOWSHIP FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF POLITICAL SCIENCE AND YOU'RE READING THE WORDS OF THE NEWEST DATA SLAVE/THESIS ELF hell yeah! Which is exciting because I literally have no idea how to write or research a thesis paper and this will hopefully help me get my life together (I jumped up and down multiple times in excitement because goddamn I love this bloody major. I'm not even coherent in my love for it).

Then I went to my revolutions class and learned about the actual revolution part of the Iranian Revolution of 1979, and then we talked about the Iran Contra Scandal (side note: REAGAN STOP THIS SNEAKY CRAP YOU SAW WHAT HAPPENED TO NIXON AND YOU'RE REMINDING ME OF PETYR BAELISH—I'd be a damn good advisor). It's the best class.

Afterwards, I rolled my eyes at Knut Hamsun (because he writes utterly detestable protagonists with the honor of Ned Stark and the sense of Moon Boy). I also am sorely tempted to write one or all of my research papers on A Song of Ice and Fire characters, though I'm sure my teachers would despise me. Whatever.

I walked home in the violet hour and arrived to see a giant penis erected outside in the snow. Damn I love Boulder.

We decided we needed to go to Target (correction: I needed caffeine so we went to Target) and that was a trip of ridiculousness as always. I found a candle holder and was tempted to buy it and lead our way to the bars next year saying "The night is dark and full of terrors" because I'm a nerd and I know it, and everyone else needs to as well. We're good at that. I resisted the urge to buy all the v-necks in the clothing section, and then we sniffed candles and named nail polishes for awhile. You know. The usual.

We arrived home, I started the blog, and then was interrupted (happily) to watch Game of Thrones. We've watched the series before, and now it's a rewatch, which is infinitely more fascinating when you've read the books, and also infinitely more infuriating (Robb Yolo Stark, my girl Catelyn's writing, the sexist treatment of most females (especially the whores), the lack of Daario Noharis's blue hair, the lack of the Kettleblacks, and the barrage of ill-deserved hatred of Sansa Stark, amirite? OH YEAH AND NOT TO MENTION THAT MY GUT TWISTS WHEN SHAE IS ONSCREEN OR YGRITTE AND JON HAVE THEIR SHIT OR WHEN BASICALLY ANYONE IS HAPPY BECAUSE HELL NO we can never have nice things. Drat).

So yeah. I'm waiting for Paige to finish her finance homework so we can get the love of my life (pizza).  Today wasn't bad, honestly. I've found myself in a bizarre state of mind lately, where I'm royally fucked in some areas (ochem, I'm looking at you), but I literally couldn't care less. I mean, I care, but I'm so happy, so bizarrely at peace with both the universe and the person I'm turning out to be, that it doesn't matter. Maybe this is dangerous, to abandon ship on the bad things. But it's healthier than staying around a sinking ship that's doomed to fail. Days like today, I'm glad we have the lifeboats.

Because as Voltaire says, "Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats." And you're goddamn right I'm going to sing.

Happy almost Friday, go build a snow penis, and, as always, thanks for reading :)

In Which I Get Too Excited About a Bunch of Dead Guys In Togas

Wednesday 2 April

I'm having serious flood day flashbacks, and it's a little traumatic, because I was in a place of Sheer Confusion and Existential Suspension back in those days. Yay rain.

I'll just note that Wednesday posts are probably going to be late because Orchestra. Woot.

Today wasn't bad. I stayed awake for all of my organic lecture, which was nice. We're doing something about enols and enolates and they're important because their starting materials determine their acidity versus the conjugate base? I'm learning stuff? Ish? I've also got House Tully's Sigil with their House Words as "Fish are Friends!" so yay things-that-aren't-ochem.

I then went to my Constitutional Law lecture and we had a GUEST LECTURE today which was kinda nice because my brain is in no state whatsoever to handle Real School. Dr. Brad Birzer from Hillsdale College in Michigan is up for election to CU Boulder's Visiting Scholar in Conservative Thought, a position currently held by my Law prof Dr. Steven Hayward.

As a liberal in the People's Republic of Boulder, it's been an awesome experience to have someone that doesn't share my political beliefs that's actually intelligent and doesn't tell me I'm just a stupid girl that doesn't know her shit (Arvada was a tough place to grow up knowing you identified with the left from about the age of nine). The discourses I've heard have been fascinating, and this why our two-party system blows—we try too fucking hard to pigeonhole ourselves into two narrow sets of ideologies.

Anyway. That's a rant for another blog. I'll finish Brad's lecture at the end of this blog.

Then I took my twice-daily walk home from Clare Small to Bear Creek, which was nice. Today was the Absolute Perfect Temperature and if it's like this forever I'm totally down.

I got home and ate some pizza rolls and decided, instead of doing a mostly-optional assignment for my writing class, to read A Dance With Dragons, because I have Priorities (and by Priorities I mean Seven stupid fucking Kingdoms that are super fucked either way because everyone I love is going to die a horrific and painful death. Fuck this fucking book series).

I mustered some strength in this daze of lethargy to get to said Writing Class, where I am the Anointed Sovereign of Sighs and Groans because NO ONE GETS SHAKESPEARE OR HAS HEARD OF THE GLOBE THEATER OR QUEEN ELIZABETH I. KILL ME PLEASE. I also resisted the urge to say that Coriolanus is the most YOLO character in all of Shakespeare's works—really, he doesn't deliberate like Hamlet or Macbeth, and he is utterly unashamed of the person he is, unlike Othello and Richard III, and I think he's basically fucking awesome and doesn't deserve the end he had. Anyway.

Then, instead of reading Hunger (which, to quote a classmate, "I don't know what I expected") for class, I read ADWD and JON SNOW STOP YOU STILL KNOW NOTHING. Anyway.

Orchestra came next, where I ended up in the third chair seat which CAN'T HAPPEN BECAUSE I STILL CAN'T CONSISTENTLY PLAY MY BASS OR READ MUSIC EVEN AFTER TEN (!) FUCKING YEARS OF IT, but it was fabulous anyway. Then again, I don't give up three hours of my Wednesday to have FUCKING RESTS for FIFTY MEASURES IN A ROW. Best section ever. Welcome to my life.

I swore profusely on finding the rain-snow mix outside, drove Katniss-the-car home after having a minor panic attack in the parking garage because she wouldn't start for a moment (thank god she did). Then I parked Across the Narrow Sea (read: the soccer fields because I'm Cheap) and started on homework until I remembered it was April and this had to happen.

Anyway. Brad Birzer gave us a lecture on the American Founding and he said something that really resonated with me regarding the character of a republican (Read: not the GOP) nation, which was that you had to ask yourself what it means to be a human with your liberal education in order to further the common good, which is a question we forget to answer in the endless maze of tropes and policy holdups and filibusters and whatnot these days. Furthermore, it's "not the accidents of your birth, but the character of your soul" that makes you a good politician or a bad one, and that was fucking awesome to hear for a lower-middle-class female that wants to compete in that world.

I LOVE talking about the founding—more than almost anything in politics (other favorite topics are constitutional law and revolutions and also elections because just eeeeeeee). Thomas Jefferson is my favorite person and the tooth-and-nail politics of Revolutionary America was a fucking bloodbath, which is always the best. The founders played dirty come election season and kicked ass in office, had actual real life toga parties where you had to recite shit in classical Greek and Latin, and by whatever is Good and Holy, they mastered the art of oration.

Basically when I fell off the few moral pedestals I had when I came into college (because Freshman Year Yaaay), I was forced to reevaluate my ideals and what I stood for. And the liberal ideals of the founding—life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, justice as the end to the means of government, representation, equality of opportunity, and the simple acknowledgement that you have a voice in the vast nothingness of the universe—were what I was left with when I threw everything else out with the bathwater. Yeah. I have some issues with their racism and their misogyny and their hypocritical actions, and OH MY GOD THEIR FOREIGN POLICY IN THE FORMATIVE YEARS MAKE MY OCHEM ATTEMPTS LOOK SPECTACULAR (I'm looking at you, Quasi-War, Jay Treaty, and Embargo of 1807) but for the most part, I believe in their ideals more than I do any sort of deity. Maybe it's foolish and maybe, as Woodrow Wilson suggested, it's completely nonexistent. But I got into politics and I'm staying here because I would do anything to further these ideals, and I think they make the world a better place.

Yay manifestos!

Anyway. I'm going to go read more of Jon Snow's ineptitude in governing anything Knut Hamsun.

Thanks for reading :)

Disclaimer: I'm going to talk politics. A LOT. I'M SORRY YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE GETTING INTO LET'S BE REAL ;)

Blog Every Day April: Volume VI

Tuesday 1 April

This April began in a foul-smelling organic chemistry lab where one of my friends was synthesizing insect pheromones, which diffused through the air with the pungent stench of elephant dung mixed with burnt cheese—also known as the concentrated smell of cockroach "I want the frickle-frackle."

You can imagine I'm excited to move along with this show.

Welcome to Blog Every Day April, where, as the name suggests, I blog every day in April. Shocking, I know. It's the sixth (!) year I'm doing this, because someone once told me that if you find something that works for you, then you stick with it, and this, weirdly enough, works for me. To new readers, welcome! To old readers, sorry! But thanks for coming back!

Basically, shit happens in April because it is, to quote TS Eliot, "the cruelest month, breeding lilacs out of the dead land, mixing memory and desire, stirring dull roots with spring rain." It's a state of transition, of endings and beginnings, and of sheer bloody panic as the semester ends. Last year was a helluva ride, but it was a nice place to process things, and that's helpful because sometimes I think too much. That's me in four words: I think too much. So that's the gist of it.

I'll write about my day trying and failing to synthesize polystyrene (which is the Lab Project I'm Doomed to Fail Miserably) in chem lab, of fucking loving my revolutions class (today we talked about the Iranian revolution which is really fascinating), and of the perpetual eye-roll toward Norwegian author Knut Hamsun in my Nordic Literature class (core classes yaaaay). I'll write about my consuming hatred of organic chemistry, how much I like constitutional law, and the other perpetual eye-roll which is my writing class. I like school. It's a focus of this life and this blog.

I love Game of Thrones, and I'm definitely going to cry throughout this season (I'll try not to spoil things but I royally fuck up sometimes, sorry). Cersei Lannister, Elsa from Frozen, Yulia Tymoshenko, and Jennifer Lawrence are my spirit animals. I'm in love with English history, the Ukrainian crisis, Lord of the Rings, Rockstar, Benedict Cumberbatch, modernist literature, skiing, hiking, the Cold War period, feminist critiques of my favorite shows, pizza, and classic rock. I swear. Profusely. Sometimes I hate being a girl. And I hate raccoons.

That's it. That's the blog.

Blogs on Fridays and Saturdays will be late (usually) because I have what is commonly referred to as a "Social Life" and I don't sleep even though I should. I've also got a few papers due in the next few weeks so I might miss a couple here and there. Whatever #yolo.

(sometimes I use hashtags ironically because I hate Millennials. #sorrynotsorry)

So welcome along.

In twenty more years on this earth, most of the days of our lives will fade into the annals of history, unrecorded, forgotten, tiny blips on the seismograph of life. And that terrifies me because I have a bizarre fear of oblivion. So this is what April is about—it's a tribute to what it means to be alive, to be you, in these interesting times. It's making sure these thirty days aren't forgotten. Maybe it's important. Maybe it isn't. But that doesn't mean we don't try.

So thanks for reading, and cheers to April :)

NERD RAGE: The Political Rant You've Always Wanted From Me

Saturday, 5 October

So this has been me since 10 PM on Monday night, all the damn time:

Liz Lemon Understands

Why do I have so much nerd rage? Because right now is kind of a shitty time to be a political science major. It's also a really exciting time. I am perpetually hangcited—hungry, angry, and excited. I'm stoked for analyzing everything and I want to collectively punch the GOP in the face and also I am really craving a soft pretzel.

I don't usually write political rants, because I think it's fucking stupid and mostly just starts fights and you know me—I don't start things. But this is important. Because I am seriously so fucking angry. This is the last straw.

So I'm going to address some statements I've heard and tell you what's the deal behind them.

Statement Number One: I hate politicians.

Here's The Deal: Throughout my political science classes, I've been told that people have a great deal of support for our Constitution and our system of government, but don't trust the people IN said government. So what can you do?

Stop electing fucking idiots. Do your research. We as a people have the power to put people in office that represent our interests. If you don't feel your representative is doing a good job, DON'T REINFORCE BAD BEHAVIOR. If your dog bites you, you don't give it a treat; you tell that motherfucker off.

Also, NOT voting is often as bad as reelecting these people. You have no right to complain if you didn't go to the polls and things aren't going your way. That's like getting mad because your own dirty dishes are clogging up the sink. Fucking do something about it instead of letting it stagnate. House elections are next year. Get on it.

Statement Number Two: Obamacare is unconstitutional.

Here's The Deal: Seriously, just stop.

It's constitutional. The Supreme Court cleared this up last year. They made some amendments to the bill that have been put into effect. The Necessary and Proper Clause of the Constitution (which, for those of you following along, is Article 1, Section 8, Clause, aka Paragraph, 18) completely legitimizes this, and that was the majority opinion written by Justice John Roberts. The General Welfare Clause, in my opinion, is ALSO a decent backup (Article 1, Section 8, Clause 1).

It is STAGGERING the amount of people that don't know this. The internet is awesome. Alternate your cat video watching with some brief current events. It's not hard. It's like reading this, but with less profanity (sorry, I curse when I'm angry or exhausted, both of which I happen to be right now. It's been a rough year).

And if you still think a charged statement like this legitimizes your complaint against the Affordable Care Act, just get over it. This is now a purely political fight and not a legal battle. There is a distinction.

Statement Number Three: Obamacare suxs.

Here's the Deal: This is a political view that I'm going to preach. Personally, I think it doesn't suck.

Have you ever NOT had health insurance? My family didn't for about ten years because my parents were self-employed and we couldn't afford it. We're ridiculously accident-prone. When my brother was four years old, he jumped off the top of our staircase and predictably broke his elbow (you know, the cringeworthy arms-don't-bend-that-way break). We called an ambulance because he was going into shock. It took us FOUR YEARS to pay off that ride which lasted ten minutes.

Luckily, my dad's job now provides health insurance. But at one point, we were balls deep in those bills. Coverage helps so much. We're still breaking bones like we get paid to. But it's not nearly as bad.

Healthcare is a mess. The Affordable Care Act aims to make healthcare more affordable, reduce the uninsured rate of Americans, and stop discriminating against preexisting conditions.

If you already have employer insurance, Medicare, or Medicaid, you're cool. It won't affect you. You might even end up paying less. Individual states can decide whether or not to go along with the Medicaid expansion (Colorado has decided to go along, for those of you following along).

I still think that the Medicaid/Medicare needs to be more tightly regulated because unfortunately, people do indeed take advantage of the systems and that needs to stop. I'm not going to pretend to know how to do that. I'm not an expert. I'm a broke college student taking shots in the dark.

Of course it's going to cost more money. THAT'S HOW IT WORKS. But the long term trend is that it will help alleviate costs and make this ridiculous inflation of costs decrease in the coming years. And I think that'd be nice. If you want to see it in action, I'll refer you to Massachusetts, where essentially the same thing was implemented under the state government, under a REPUBLICAN (that was good old Mitt Romney, for those of you following along). Kay cool.

Statement Number Four: The Blame Game.

Here's the Deal: BOTH parties are at fault. Compromise is how this whole "politics" thing works. When people don't compromise, it's GOING TO BREAK LIKE IT IS NOW.

Republicans, I refer you to Statement Number Two. Seriously. You LOST. This has been a law for THREE YEARS AND THE JUSTICE SYSTEM THINKS IT'S TOTALLY LEGITIMATE.

Get rid of your extremist agenda. At the base of the GOP is some really good, pure ideology that I respect, and you should throw back to that, because right now you seriously suck so much and it's not even fair. Eat a Snickers, you're not you when you're hungry. Remember the days of Reagan? That's what your party is, and I wouldn't hate you so much if that is what you're getting at and not this fucking bullshit.

Democrats, I refer you to Statement Number Three. Get at the real issues. You can afford to be flexible on some issues in the Affordable Care Act. We HAVE to be flexible on some issues, because we literally can't afford anything else.

And seriously, if this is how we're acting on the spending bill, what is it going to come down to when we have to RAISE THE DEBT CEILING IN TWO WEEKS?

People ask me what I want to be when I grow up, and I am seriously so embarrassed to say that I want to be a politician because of what's happening lately.

So Congress, do your fucking jobs while you still fucking have them (I refer to Statement One), because I'm sick of the lot of you. Compromise. Work together. Do not make me hate my major and my life decisions. Because I do enough of that on my own.

Statement Number Five: We can smoke weed legally now that the government's shut down, right?

Here's the Deal: If you say this in jest, I think you're funny and we're probably friends, but if you say this in complete seriousness, I seriously hate you so much. That would be ACTUAL ANARCHY. Ever heard of federalism? Yeah, it's a thing. There is a balance between federal and state governments. And the people who throw you into jail for lighting up in public work for the STATES, which are still fairly functional.

So yeah. That's my rant. I'm just going to add one thing.

Maybe I'm just a huge fucking geek that loves this and I need to get a life that isn't so impossibly lame, but most of the issues I have with people stem from their complete ignorance. I LOVE having informed talks with people and I'm happy to discuss it with you if you're open and curious about it. But if you're acting like an authority on the subject and you're being a jerk and you refuse to open up when you don't have a clue, it isn't fun. It kind of makes me want to punch you in the face, and I'm not a violent human, usually.

So please, increase your constitutional literacy and keep up with the politics. A pocket Constitution is like three dollars. I have one in my WALLET if you want to borrow it sometime. The internet is a great resource. You can get Twitter updates. It's EASY to follow politics. Even if it's just a quick weekly update or something.

We are the fountain of authority in this nation. And we are SO LUCKY to have that. You don't even know. It's a republic if we can keep it, as Ben Franklin said. This whole thing only works with an informed populace, so if you want it to work out, you need to pull your own weight too.

Okay. I'm done.

On a lighter note, Season Eight of How I Met Your Mother was just posted to Netflix and all of my homework plans just fell to shit. So I'm off to do that.

Thanks for reading, and stay excellent. :)