Roll With It

Thursday 16 April

Fun fact: Winter is always coming. The Starks are sometimes more correct than the Lannisters. You will never hear me say that again, so enjoy it.

Woke up and drove home as the snow was beginning to fall, then took a shower AND finished a paper on the nukes panel I went to. I was more productive by eight AM than I ever have been. It was impressive tbh.

Made a poor footwear choice and didn't waterproof the boots, and so I was substantially more grumpy when I rolled into Middle East Politics than I usually am when it snows (I love the cold. I love the snow. It needs to be winter ALWAYS). However, that was negated because Greg talked about the Turkish Protests of 2k13, and that was freaking awesome. I got the same talk last year in Revolutions and Political Violence, and that was the single light on one Tuesday when I hated O-Chem and also my life. Thanks, Greg. I may have dozed off at the end because of a severe caffeine deficit, but whatever. I have the notes I took last year. Good enough.

Anyway. Then I did some footnoting on my paper and read about improv on my break, and then I headed to my Norlin class, where we got to do improv with Katy Craig, aka the messenger for my failed Boettcher Scholarship endeavor. I expected to hate it, because I'm me. I hate spontaneity and am remarkably bad at thinking on my feet and articulating coherently and also being clever in a specific instant. I almost called in sick.

However, like a lot of things lately, I was pleasantly surprised.

We started with a few games, and then we did some scenes, and then a couple of activities where we were paired off and in teams. Most of it had to do with getting comfortable with the group we were in, which was pretty easy because my group is hella chill. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time during a class. I love it. However, the bigger takeaway was that the games all had to do with relinquishing control—you couldn't talk during some of them, sometimes you had to agree with everything another person said, and vice versa, and sometimes the control of your arms was taken away. You lost some degree of autonomy, which was also pretty paralyzing for someone like me.

It was a lot of fun, however. I loved the way that you had to adapt to a situation or go with a flow, and there were a lot more interpersonal dynamics that I didn't know I had the ability to read, and this brought it out a little bit. If you're given even a little bit of direction or a constraint, it becomes a lot easier to create. Apparently, businesses are using it as strategies for innovation, which I found mind-boggling at first, but it became easier to sit with that idea.

Because it's true. You have to relinquish some control over every outcome, and you have to learn to adapt to different situations, and you have to create within certain parameters.

I'm not going to be the next Tina Fey, but I did learn that I didn't hate improv. You've got to roll with it. If you're interested, the troupe is the Bovine Metropolis Theater, so if you want to like go to a show or take a class or whatever, let me know, and I may be up for it depending on the time and the project constraints.

Anyway. Then I went home and watched Tina Fey in 30 Rock (I have a problem) and took a two hour nap because I am a responsible adult.

I woke up ready for a night in from the cold and the snow and basically ready for this:

Lemon Understands

When I woke up that I was craving queso, and so I decided to order in chile con queso from the Rio because it is literally the greatest queso I've ever had. I eat a lot of cheese, so that statement is a Big Deal. So I was waiting for that wrapped in my blanket, and literally FOUR SECONDS AFTER I PLACED MY ORDER Joe was like "When are we meeting?" and I was like "Are you fucking kidding me?" but acquiesced to have them come over. We were watching Skyfall and I was stuffing cheese in my face when Joe and Connor arrived, and I felt like a nerd. Welcome to my life.

Then I put on real pants (THE THINGS I DO TO SOCIALIZE) and we headed out into the cold to the Rio (where, if you'll recall, I'd just ordered queso from). It was bro night for us, and so naturally we talked about climate change and population growth because we're socially conscientious. This is why I hang out with nerds. We also met some of Connor's friends, and then complained about chemistry. Crissie was also there, and so I went and hung out with her and Lindsey and Crissie's Boy Adam, who is a character and knew more people at the bar than Crissie did. It was nothing short of remarkable. We left by 11:15 and I was in bed by midnight after getting so drunk that I had to go off on Joe when he mentioned Cersei Lannister. What a world we live in.

Anyway. The latter part of my day was in fact an application of the first part—this doesn't happen unless it's in like Sex and the City or something, and plot points are meticulously crafted. BUT HEY LOOK IT'S HAPPENING IN MY LIFE NO I'M DEFINITELY NOT A CARRIE.

You have to roll with it. That's what I learned. You have to say yes to opportunities that come up, and you have to take the plunge no matter what. There will always be days for Night Cheese, but sometimes you have to go out for Marg Night. Sometimes, you have to say yes. I understand that saying "no" is also healthy, and I respect that more than anything. But once in awhile, you do something different and unexpected if the opportunity presents itself. I've been getting marginally better at this in the last year, and it's literally changed my life—going to Marg Night, participating in improv day, participating in class; these are marginal benefits that have made me less of an angry cynic. As much fun as being an angry cynic is, sometimes it's nice to feel alright.

So next time the opportunity presents itself, roll with it. Maybe something good can work.

Thanks for reading :)

False Summits

Wednesday 15 April

This was the day that I have predicted that the world will truly come to an end, because the RMS Titanic finished sinking in 1912, Abraham Lincoln was pronounced dead in 1865, and it's Tax Day. These are surely harbingers of doom.

I was certainly hoping for a doomsday scenario when I woke up considering the amount of work that I had to get done by Wednesday, and that was pretty well founded. The damn planet kept turning, though. I woke up early and read about carbonate systems, and then headed over to Quantum Mechanics, where I had an exam on statistical mechanics, which isn't quite as bad as it sounds tbh. Good times.

Then I went to Water and Soil Chemistry and bemoaned the fact that I finished another exam 10 minutes before I came to class in a futile attempt to move that exam to Friday; there was, however, no cigar. That test was pretty brutal. I still hate buffers from the depths of my being.

Took a break and bought myself some candy because I fucking deserved it after a double header chemistry exam binge—I do not recommend that to anyone. This has been a public service announcement from future president Maggie Rose. Anyway. Ended up reading about the Andean Pact and regionalism in North America, which wasn't quite as fun as it could have been.

Europe and the International System was pretty radical, though. Jupille asked if there were any domestic reasons that a country would sign onto a regional agreement, and I was like "LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT DOMESTIC INSTITUTIONS NERDS," so that was a helluva mic drop on my part. I was mostly fucking stoked because hey, 12 more people get to care about DSMs in PTAs!

I Haven't Seen Much of This Show But I'm P. Sure
Annie Is My Spirit Animal

I am literally the coolest person I promise.

After that, I headed to lab, where I successfully wrote programming code. I'll add it to the resume. We also worked with a microcontroller that was called the "Board of Education" and I actually lost my shit laughing for ten minutes. I am very tired. Do not judge me.

Then I came home and watched 30 Rock because I deserved it after a long day of exams, and then I wrote half a paper. I then headed to orchestra and got some constructive procrastination and active leisure (I would advertise the concert but this is ex-post-facto so sorry. Long week, people). I love those 2.5 hours a week playing my bass. I didn't realize how necessary it was until I stopped playing the thing my freshman year, and now that it's back I don't really want to give it up again.

Anyway. Then I went to UV and got to hang out with the Boy and Company watching the Blackhawks game (THE THINGS I DO FOR LOVE) which actually turned out to be hella stressful even for a hockey novice. We then watched Modern Family. I was too tired to drive home (understandably) so I crashed there for the night. It was fucking great to see those kids mid-week instead of going five days between sightings. Contrary to popular belief, I do indeed need to have social contact with people, especially those that I'm in a relationship with. I'm bad at texting, and I prefer face-to-face contact over everything, and it's damn nice to talk about life and laugh at the "Board of Education" and just be with someone. I like that a lot.

I highly doubt, however, it'll become a norm, because it's the end of the semester when sleep is scarce and life is hell.

Days like these are honestly more like false summits than anything else—I always get this like high after I finish an exam and feel like it gives me license to like blow everything off and pretend that I don't have eight other assignments that I haven't started and will not finish. Like, you're not even close to being done with the climb, and that's frustrating because you still have a long-ass way to go. In hiking, they are more of a disappointment (I legitimately cried on Mt. Elbert when we kept running into them).

You never get anywhere, however, without a few moments to stop and catch your breath. Maybe that's the value in false summits—it's not the top, but it's a nice place to sit for awhile or take a nap (10/10 always recommend), and you can enjoy the view from where you are before you continue up the slope.   It's the only way you can keep going up the damn mountain without wanting to jump off the edge. You need a place to rest, and you need time to catch your breath. So enjoy those false summits.

Getting caught up I've got this!

Thanks for reading :)

Road to Nowhere

Tuesday 14 April

Happy last day until the end of the world!

Let's see. Last Tuesday Middle East Politics was cancelled, so I got to sleep in until 9:30, which made me dangerously awake for the rest of the day. My philosophy when classes get cancelled is that I'm not going to get any work done during that time period allotted to class anyway, so why the hell would I be productive when I don't have to be? So sleep it was, and then I did some reading about insider trading and also Marco Rubio (who also announced his candidacy and I just don't know how to feel about it—tbh I think it might be Romney 2.0 when the GOP takes a good candidate and drives them far too right to be a feasible option).

Anyway.

Took a leisurely stroll over to campus, bought a Rockstar and hid in the basement of the library reading "Reversal of Fortune," which it turns out wasn't actually due but fuck it YOLO. It stressed me out a lot, and so Norlin class was a lot worrisome, tbh.

We ended up talking about insider trading and how perceptions are most definitely distorted by wealth and status and how maybe it didn't even occur to Martha Stewart that what she was doing was a bad thing. Which is scary, and honestly with the way the case was presented I was pretty horrified that she was targeted in the way she was. I know for a fact that I have a bias against the wealthy—you don't work at a country club where they treat you like dirt for five years and escape without one. It's hard to see through that to see that they're still people like you with hopes and fears and dreams and are fallible. But you have to in order to build a more just world, which is problematic for me.

Anyway. Went home, watched some 30 Rock and ordered a pizza with my last $10, because it fed me for three days. Then Paige came home and we talked about our boyfriends and our classes and how done we are with school, and then I put pants back on and went to the library. I made a bomb study sheet for Quantum Mechanics, and then halfheartedly studied my Water Chem notes before I did my bibliography for my paper. Finished work at the library's closing time, and wandered home wondering how on earth people could actually party on a fucking Tuesday night.

So for my Norlin final project this year, I have to tell a digital story about my career trajectory and my hollow values that I may or may not compromise on depending on the situation, and I literally don't know where to start. I wrote a professional autobiography about how I almost got to play the Swan Queen but then I blew my knee out so that didn't get to happen, and I guess the lessons of duality you learn from the Swan Queen carry over into my dual roles as a politician and a scientist. It was a lot of rubbish, honestly.

I don't know. For the first time in my life, I have no idea where I'm headed. At all. I don't have a plan for the summer, I don't have a plan for graduate school, I don't have a plan for my career. And that's scary for someone like me, who's had her life planned out almost from the get-go. My only purpose throughout my childhood was to get into college, and now that I've done that, I don't know what to do. I'm sick of giving that answer, but it's the truth. I don't know what to do.

The dancer metaphor honestly seems very inauthentic, too, because that's not who I am anymore—I'm not the perfectionist, I don't jump when someone tells me to, I don't live my life for a single role. Granted, it's still a part of me—I look for rhythms and for patterns and for symmetry and aesthetics, but that isn't who I am. Which is also hard, because it was me for a long time. I guess I don't really know who I am, either. And it's ridiculous—I don't have to fit a single archetype, but now that I don't it's infinitely messier, and that's also frightening.

And somehow, it's okay. I'm learning how to live within this chaos of my life and my choices or lack thereof, and even though I may be on a road to nowhere, I'm having a damn good time with it. Despite everything, I'm okay. And that's something they'll never teach you in school, honestly.

On a roll, I'll be done soon.

Thanks for reading :)

Problematic High Achievers

Monday 13 April

HAPPY BIRTHDAY THOMAS JEFFERSON!! THANK YOU GOOGLE CALENDARS FOR THAT FUN FACT!!!

The Most Rad of Presidents

Anyway. Yesterday was kind of bullshit but whatever, I got a lot of stuff done.

Woke up later than intended, neglected my paper until I rolled in early for Quantum Mechanics, and did some review for the exam on Wednesday, which means it's time to panic yaaay. Then I walked over to Water and Soil Chemistry and finished learning about complexation and coordination chemistry according to my notes, which is nice because that is the only thing I remember from AP Chem, thanks Mrs. Anderson. A kid also managed to fall asleep, which was nothing short of remarkable because there were literally four students in the room. I love undergrads!

Then I read about regionalism in the Western Hemisphere, aka NAFTA and Mercosur my favourite regional trade agreements. After that, I did some research and footnoting about Mercosur and ASEAN (*frustrated stamping*). So that was my break.

After that, headed over to Europe and the International System, where the discussion we had about regionalism led to a major breakthrough with regards to the paper, and that was fucking great, because after that class I spent another hour in the library writing up the abstract and conclusion, and finished off the precursor to my honors thesis at 27 pages and 7,907 words of text about dispute settlement mechanisms. I am a scholar! I am good at things!

Me Doing Things

Then I took a three hour nap because I like to avoid my responsibilities (another paper, a lab, two exams) with sleeping to 30 Rock after eating pizza rolls.

After that, I tried halfheartedly to do work that's due but I have a hard time producing quality work without a lot of pressure behind me regarding deadlines. Welcome to the mind of a problematic high achiever, where it's either the crippling fear of failure, genuine laziness and apathy, or the knowledge that our best work is performed just before the buzzer sounds that makes us put things off until the last minute. Even we don't know why our brains work the way they do—I've conducted several intensive studies on the matter (by which I mean I talked to other nerds on Facebook that should have been writing their Poet Casebooks at four in the morning on the day they were due our senior year of high school and we all ended up getting 100% and "I can tell you put a lot of time into this." Yeah. Sure. We'll go with that). So I ended up watching 30 Rock and reading about Hillary.

I like high achievers a lot. I'm a little biased—we would always cause a little too much trouble when we'd get bored with watching Between the Lions in 2nd grade (I will always hold a huge grudge against Jeffco for consistently forcing me to watch that fucking crap. I KNEW WHAT A VERB WAS I WAS READING AND ANALYZING NANCY DREW AT AGE SEVEN OK). I'll always also have a huge bias against No Child Left Behind (of the three Rose kids, it's questionable that only Mason benefitted from that legislation, and 1/3 isn't exactly the success rate you want) because it doesn't let anyone do any more than the bare minimum. I hated that. I was stifled by it. I had a lot of good teachers that let me learn advanced math and read at a tenth grade level in fifth grade and put me on an ALP, but nobody really knew what to do with the kids that were straining at the leash.

AP and honors helped in high school. I could do what I wanted, when I wanted. I was challenged for the first time in my life. That was rad. I was excited to learn, because for once I could. I wasn't limited by my peers. There wasn't a glass ceiling that I had to bat against anymore.

Until there was.

That's when it starts. The "all these people are expecting me to know when the church split into Eastern Orthodox and Catholicism," the "just five more minutes of cramming for this test I know front and back and then I can sleep," the "I'll probably be fine with Sparknotes, but I'll read Heart of Darkness just in case," the "I can't fail because people don't expect me to."

Which is when it becomes problematic. Because you don't want to be that failure. You've always been too big to fail. You're the high achiever. You can't not achieve. That's not you.

And yeah, maybe I'm a little bit of a Type A and I thought expectations were higher than they actually were and maybe it's because I'm a girl and have to work harder to convince people that I am to be taken seriously. But that made me fucking miserable when I had to confront the fact that I could indeed fail. When you're in that role, you assume that even if you fail because you're a human and sometimes there's a little too much going on psychologically that can prevent you from doing quality work, it's stigmatized. You're bad. It's not right.

I guess what I'm saying is that nobody ever taught me that it was okay to fail and to not be good at something. And only after a couple of really traumatic experiences did I ever learn that, and that's unhealthy and I will be perpetually bitter about that.

It's okay to fail. There is nothing wrong with you just because you failed a test or didn't get the guy or didn't get into Yale. Repeat that, high achievers. It is perfectly fine to have your biggest accomplishment for the day be "getting out of bed" or "didn't burn my grilled cheese." Make me repeat that, because sometimes I forget it a lot.

Okay. Rant over.

I'm going to catch up on the blog I promise, though I'm over a week behind and have hella papers to write so it's questionable.

Thanks for reading :)

I Only Care About Politics and Lannisters

Sunday 12 April

Almost caught up, I love this interspersing blogs with homework thing!

We woke up late yesterday, which was a real problem because Evan and Davis had like 10 minutes to meet their homework group. I gave them a lift to the EC, and then went to the store. Sometimes a girl needs 2 donuts, a bag of chips, a Rockstar, and an imitation crab sushi roll at 10 AM, and I have no shame in admitting that girl is me.

Procrastinated for awhile watching 30 Rock because I'm an adult, and then I took a shower and cleaned the Pit that is also referred to as my room, so yay. Productive procrastination is the one thing I excel at.

THEN HILLARY CLINTON ANNOUNCED SHE WAS RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT AND I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!! I DIDN'T THINK SHE WOULD ACTUALLY DO IT BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I AM STOKED!! IF SHE PICKS ELIZABETH WARREN AS HER VEEP I WILL LOSE MY SHIT AND I CAN TRULY DIE HAPPY!!!!!!!!! I WANT TO SEE WHO ELSE WILL RUN! COME ON DEMOCRATS!!!!! WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE!!!!!!!\

I LOVE THIS COUNTRY!!

Then I went to the library and talked to Crissie about life, creeped on her boyfriend because we are mature and responsible humans, and bought twenty one pilots tickets for Red Rocks in September, which is going to be amazing because she's my favorite person to go to concerts with and twenty one pilots is a fucking rad show. We saw them at Big Gig this year and basically died from collective awesomeness.

Then I spent awhile in the library doing some data analysis on STATA and wrote nine pages in three hours, so I'm what has been described as "not bad" at writing.

Actual Footage of Me Writing My Research Paper

I then strolled over from the library to UV, where we gathered on Evan's couch and began watching season five of the shitshow that is Game of Thrones.

I must admit, I was pleasantly surprised, mostly because

SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MANY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LANNISTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT A DAY!!!

CERSEI IS THE MOST PERFECT AND IF YOU DON'T THINK SHE'S THE STAR OF SEASON FIVE WE CANNOT BE FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!! THE FLASHBACK WAS BEAUTIFUL!!!!!! I'M NOT A WRITHING BALL OF RAGE AT THE CUT OF VALONQAR STUFF EVEN THOUGH I AM A LITTLE SURPRISED TBH!!!!!!!! CERSEI WALKING UP THE STEPS AT THE SEPT OF BAELOR KEEP THAT IMAGE IN MIND KIDS!!!!!!!!!! KEVAN AND LANCEL ARE BACK!!!!!!!!! TYWIN IS DEAD BUT GOLDEN TWINS ARE HAVING A SRS BUSINESS TALK AND NOT HAVING NONCONSENSUAL SEX!!!!!!!!!!! TYRION AND VARYS ARE ROADTRIPPING IN ESSOS AND THAT'S PERFECT BECAUSE I'M NOT YOUNG GRIFF'S BIGGEST FAN!!!!!!!!! LANNISTERSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SEASON FIIIIIIIIVEEEE!!!!!!

Oh yeah, and I guess the rest of the characters are ok too. IDK what Marg is up to but I'll take it because Natalie Dormer; pretty sure Sansa is going to be Jeyne Poole and I have hella anxiety over that; I don't know what the fuck Brienne and Pod are doing (more nerd rage on their storyline but idk, there's still time); Dany's storyline looks about the same (and yes, keep the fighting pits open yeeesssss #pitsofmarine2k15) and DAARIO'S ASS OH MY GODS; and Jon and Mel at the Wall omg, Stannis and the beard omg looking like Batman and Gordon with Davos, also I think (?) Mance is dead for realsies which is a fucking bummer because I liked him a lot. 

So yeah, I'm not displeased. We shall see how long this lasts.

I then spent some time doing more data analysis while watching Silicon Valley and that dick talk in S1E8 was a thing of beauty, and I've heard some pretty marvelous dick talks (throwback to freshman year). Evan and I debated backpack features because we are literally the coolest people you'll ever know, then we talked politics with Bongi for awhile, and then Evan drove me home and I passed out writing my lit review.

Anyway. Yesterday was a day when I got to deal with the things I truly love, which is mostly politics and also Lannisters. If cheese and hiking were in there, it would have included everything that I love in this world. What a time to be alive, guys. What a time to be alive.

Caught up! Yay!

Thanks for reading :)

The Fourth Annual SUEP Undergraduate Research Conference

Saturday 11 April

So once in awhile, I actually put on lady clothes and do things that are productive and related to my professional career. Saturday was one of these occasions.

Woke up incredibly well-rested and drove home to the Shire, where I took a shower and started to look like a real person until I just ended up drinking a liter of Naked Juice on the couch wrapped in a blanket watching 30 Rock to de-stress. I then curled my hair, put on makeup, put on clothes that weren't jeans and a t-shirt, and stepped into my pair of black patent leather stilettos. I looked like a fucking lady for once in my life.

I then walked over to Hale Sciences. I ended up taking off my shoes and my cardigan because I got hot on the walk and my feet started to hurt, and as I was crossing University, a car honked and hollered at me and I was like "Oh my god, I look like I did not quite make it home last night." Which I didn't, but that's not the fucking point.

Gotta have some dysfunction in this life to make things work out a little bit.

Anyway. I got a really official-looking nametag as a presenter this year at the 4th Annual SUEP Research Conference. I got to hear some seniors present on their research on women's access to health in the world and alternative communities in Brazil, and they were both fucking spectacular and mine literally couldn't hold a candle to theirs. It was rad.

This is actual footage of me presenting at the conference:

I Have No Idea What is Going On

Hi, my name is Maggie Rose, I am a junior Norlin Scholar, and most of the time I have a really hard time talking to people I don't know. I have been described as "confident," "charismatic," "knowledgable," and "well-prepared" when I present to people, but honestly 95% of the time I have no idea what the everloving fuck I'm actually doing. Apparently, things come out of my mouth that make a marginal amount of sense.

Evidently, that was the case on Saturday, so people kind of kept up with me and there were some good questions that dealt with my data, mostly. I talked a little fast, and apparently my accent came out a little bit, which was non-ideal at best but whatever. Paddy asked most of the questions that dealt with the theory I couldn't get to in the 15 minutes allotted to me, which was nice to flesh out, and she asked some valuable stuff that will probably come up when I defend this paper in about a week for the political science department. So that was pretty nice.

My mom also came up to Boulder and watched me talk about trade, and that meant a lot, if only to see a familiar, albeit confused, face in the audience. My mom is seriously the fucking best, guys.

I then watched some more presentations about Edgar Mearns, sustainability accounting, and climate change and infrastructure. They were really neat and raised some interesting questions. Then I went to the poster session, where my friend Ben talked about burning poop, Rajani talked about beetles migrating to other places and changing their DNA, one guy talked about islands of stability in waves (which is helpful in the Schrödinger equation fyi), another guy talked to me about his senior design project involving the Orion spacecraft and telescoping instruments (that was cool, space nerds that I know), and I also heard about python DNA potentially treating hypertension. By that point, I was pretty fried and didn't know exactly what was happening.

So yeah. That was my first of many academic conferences. It was pretty exciting to share my research and watch other people get excited about it too. Now maybe ten other people can get excited about DSMs in trade agreements, which is all I've ever wanted out of life. I'll take it.

Anyway. Ended the day by going over to Evan's and watching hockey with the gang (the things I do for love) and drinking wine, watching the Purple Wedding, learning Italian for the boy's trip to Rome, and making terrible puns with Dani's future roommate, whom I like a lot and can definitely stay. Slept over and had a nice ten hours of solid sleep, which is all I need.

So yes. Research is fucking rad, tbh. It's fun. I'm bothered by how narrow the focus has to be, and theory-building is a bitch, and most of the time it's all bullshit. But let's be real: I came to college to learn more cool stuff about the world around me for the sake of learning more cool stuff about the world around me. Maybe it'll only change ten people's lives on the high end, but hell, at least I can do something with my skills as an academic. I might go on a rant later about it.

Anyway. Thanks for reading :)

A Few Things Are Still Pretty Okay

Friday 10 April

Don't stop me nooow! I'm having such a good time, I'm having a ball!

I woke up on Friday and was super ready to take on the day in this fashion:

I Can Take on the Day!

And then after learning about rigid rotors and temperature dependence on populated states in a molecular orbital, I started to get really dehydrated and felt super queasy and basically learned that I am neither a successful adult, nor can I drink five different kinds of hard liquor and feel totally fine the next day like I used to. So, the day devolved into this:

A Novel By Me

Anyway. We had a quiz on ocean sediments in Water and Soil Chemistry, and then we got to watch Bill Nye in a science class. I shit you not. It was like being nine again, except a little bit hungover and with a lot more self-loathing. College is fun, who knew? We talked about hydrothermal vents and it was super cool! We live in such a wonderful world where organisms don't need light but can instead use sulfur to produce energy! Hooray!

Anyway. Hid in the library eating Bugles, and no, I totally did not put them on my fingers and pretend I was a witch while I finished my reading about African nationalism. Because I'm an adult, goddammit.

Europe and the International System was pretty brutal, because we had a quiz on the reading that I most definitively skimmed and did not understand, so that was pretty fun to fail and literally squirm under my teacher's judgmental gaze. Sorry, Dr. Jupille, just because I like trade doesn't mean I actually understand it. I like space, does that mean I understand what the fuck Evan talks about with regard to orbits? No! There is a line and I toe it! (Mostly, I was pretty stressed tbh. Conferences are hard).

I walked home and took a nap because I deserved it, and then Mason came up and I rambled about trade to him and got some constructive criticism regarding my presentation for the SUEP conference. That was fun, thank you Mason!

Then I went to dinner with Evan, where I gorged myself on fries and onion rings and a grilled cheese at Snarfburger, which was exactly what I needed (apparently the burgers are good, too) and THEN he bought me Dairy Queen. So yeah. I finally have a human to buy me food and who likes me even though I frequently talk about murder and care only about Lannisters. I am living the fucking dream, you guys. Date your best friend. I highly recommend it.

Anyway, then he did me the favor of listening to me talk about the characteristics of states in trading dispute settlement mechanisms and gave me really good feedback. Then I drank a beer, and we headed out to a party that Bongi had whose attendees were both chemical engineers and football players. It was in an apartment that didn't have the sale Ikea items (like, they had the tables that were more than $10) OR a discount keg (I didn't have to drink Rolling Rock, you guys), and it was fucking fancy. What even is my life anymore. I met a girl on the rugby team who was also a bitter feminist and a chemical engineer that also prefers staying in and eating cheese while watching Netflix to going to the bars, and we bonded over how much we hate people. It was grand.

Anyway. Walked home early with the boy, talked about politics and Easter and future plans and how efficient that guy is who lives under the 28th Street Bridge by UV. Then we got some pretty solid sleep. It was damn nice, tbh.

That's what Fridays are, honestly. A lot of interacting with different groups, taking a break from everything I need to do, and drinking craft beer. Maybe it's not totally responsible to disengage from the world for a few hours, but I need that. I've realized that much in these last three years. I struggled with that need for a long time, mostly because I was defined by my focus and my drive all through high school, but I need that emotional and social element. I need to be reminded that what I'm doing isn't just for abstractions, and I need to be reminded that even though a lot of things are really fucking terrible in this world, a few things are still pretty okay. Despite all the horrors of capitalism and systemic poverty and dysfunction in politics, there are still a few pockets where the indomitable human spirit thrives. Maybe it's in the form of white girls dancing at a party or people playing beer pong or just having a nice talk with your best friend while you walk home a little bit drunk on life and love, but that's okay. I need that.

Tune in for the weekend, where I talk about my stupid conference and my damn paper and also THRONES!!!!!!

Thanks for reading :)